All this hype about 'fasting' and I have been ravenous all the day long. Not that I ate, but I sure was feeling hungry much of the day. But when I read Episcopal Cafe's Fasting 101 and 102, I discovered meanings about fasting that I didn't even know about. And when this evening's sermon repeated the eating half as much for two meals and then a substantial but not overly abundant third meal -- say a hearty soup and some crusty bread -- I heard, but with the same despair as I had previously read. No way. It has taken me two years to establish an eating habit that maintains a healthy weight. I certainly do not want to mess that up. So food fast is just out for me.There are other Lent disciplines, of course. I did do the Seeking to Serve reading this morning. Is not this the fast I choose... Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house... Isaiah 58:6-7 I have been mulling that over today without it having influenced me. The day's 'illustration' is not great. But the discussion below it was a little more helpful -- hinting that praying that the Holy Spirit might help me to address the needs of the poor in some way. The whole thing can be down loaded on the Episcopal R&D site. I did that yesterday thinking I might copy some of it here but I don't know what the copyright issues are. I'm checking into that. So, Lent no longer looms. It is here. We are "in" Lent. I have established a discipline for myself. It is going to be very hard to manage. It is personal. It is between me and God. Already messed up twice today but I am looking at it as ONLY twice. I will report in now and then how it is going and mayhaps at Easter I will be able to relate success. I can try.
A saying happened through my brain this morning: 'if you come to a fork in the road, take it.' I remember hearing this a while back and it didn't penetrate my thinking at all. Today, however, there it was back again and begging for consideration. As I mulled it over, actually picturing the fork in the road, I thought how asanine it is, especially if it is a true fork heading off equally from the main path. So what other choice is there but to take it. Right or left. Right or wrong. But can it ever be wrong? If the path leads to nowhere can't we turn around and take the other path. Does this have to be a black or white, written in stone, decision? I don't think so. We have choices. Over and over and over again.Today's choice is coming up on my Lent discipline. Well, I did decide that I would do the Lenten Devotional Guide: "Seeking to Serve, A Lenten Exploration of the Millennium Development Goals" put out by Episcopal Relief and Development. It will be at the breakfast table to share with Bill. Perhaps he won't want to share but I'll give it a shot. Something for us to consider together over the next forty days. The booklet itself is small, five by seven. One page a day - two for Sundays. And that page is two thirds filled with a drawing, cartoonish style. First a line of scripture, then the drawing, then a paragraph of teaching or explanation or whathaveyou. I haven't read any of it yet so I am making an assumption about the paragraph. It seems like 'Lent for Dummies.' We'll see how it goes.Bill is already into the Lent thing without even realizing it, having committed to cooking the pancakes for tonight's supper at church. We'll see how that goes too. He is not really a team type player, preferring to do his thing on his own. I have been trying to impress upon him that the more people involved, the better for the community. Bill doesn't get community. Sometimes I don't either.It is gray and damp and dreary and Lent looms.
It is snowing in Noroton Heights. Not a bliizzard, but not just a flurry either. Just steadily gently falling flakes, touching the ground and melting. Too warm for ice. It may be the last snow of the season -- or not. But I am enjoying the spectacle just beyond my computer screen. Big, fat, clean, white flakes. The gentle falling. Softly meandering down from sky to ground. There is something quite peaceful about it.Shrove Tuesday tomorrow and then Ash Wednesday. And Christmas is still up at our house. I just managed to pack the creches away this morning. Putting baby Jesus to bed before the tortuous adult trip to the cross. And, honestly, I don't know just how much of the strory/stories I really believe. It depends on the day. Some things I can believe in because I am such a believer in the super natural. I don't know whether that is heretical thinking or not, but that's how it is with me. Tomorrow I will get the rest of Christmas put away and do some serious thinking about Lent. I know that I am not going to 'give up' anything. But I am willing to try to establish something new in my life. Or a new discipline of something 'not' new. Don't know what that is yet. Developing my artwork? Establishing a writing time? Maybe something not even for or about me. Maybe a discipline of contacting others. Not phone calls. Can't do the phone thing. Cards though. I could easily send cards and that is something I am supposed to do anyway and just haven't been able to accomplish. I have spent too much time trying to make a card template, frustrating myself beyond belief, stifling any creativity or motivation. To end all that I got the Hallmark Card software and think I may have solved nine tenths of the procrastination. So maybe I can do that.At least I have a vague plan.
At the library this afternoon I stumbled upon a copy of Writers Digest. It was one of those 'jumped off the shelf into my hand' things. The jist of the article which caught my attention was to just write. Make a dedicated decision to write fifteen minutes a day or three days a week. Just DO it. Well, folks, I have been writing pretty much daily for a few years and nothing to speak of has happened. Our book club has been reading Ray Bradbury and his writing discipline is pretty much that -- writing every day, taking off on a word or a phrase and 'walla' he ends up with a short story in no time at all. And that short story is then transformed later on into a novel. Hmmmm. That hasn't happened to me yet. I have been playing at writing for too many years. I have about given up on any novel idea. Well, not entirely. There are nigglings in the back of my mind. But how to get them out on paper/screen. Don't know.The article went on to discuss outlines and index card chapter headings that can be carried around and fleshed out at any given moment. Maybe. Maybe not. Novels are stories. I have to decide what the story is that I want to tell. IS there a story I want to tell. Maybe not.The article went on further to say that some were using blogs as novel starters. Not only starters but just blogging daily and then collecting the blogs into a book. Hmmmm. The blogs I read or write are not the makings of a novel. My dad was a writer. Not a great fiction writer. Unpublished but for two short stories. He made his living writing ad copy and technical copy. I guess he was good at that. He made a living for us anyway. He would have loved blogging. So maybe I'll just continue to write my pages and write my blog and if anything happens, it happens.
It used to be that giving up chocolate for Lent was quite adequate. In fact I can remember that in my drinking days I one year actually gave up vodka for Lent. One Lent. Didn't work the next couple of years. I started out well enough, just didn't have the wherewithall to keep it. Those were NOT good times for me.Now, though, there seem to be other options. They are called 'Lenten Disciplines.' Not necessarily giving up a vice but the taking on of some new thing that will enhance our character or somehow improve the self. Diet for the loss of extra weight maybe. Making it a habit to read the daily scripture reading. A prayer discipline. Elizabeth Kaeton offers an introspection on tears. Read it all, it is quite worth it. It will speak to some, not to others. As other blogs reveal their ideas I will pass them on.In the meantime I contemplate my own 'discipline.' I already read the daily appointed scripture readings. I have given up vodka as a VERY bad personal vice. Smoking is a habit of the way distant past. I am NOT a chocoholic. I don't swear any more. I don't even spit in public. (that was a joke) I am back to exercise and have returned to writing my pages almost every day. Just keeping up with what I have put in place for myself is pretty daunting -- in fact not always possible. But I am willing to take on a Lenten something for forty days. What will it be?
The World of Doorman-Priest is entering into a weekend of study on preaching and music in liturgy. I enjoy music with the liturgy. Good music. Unfortunately good music is not always available. I have been assailed with some very bad music in my church. Hymns that should have been flushed long ago. Hymns that are played in funeral dirge tempo. Spirituals that drone WORSE than a funeral dirge. And some just plain sloppy and inept organ playing. Music needs to be an emotional experience. Something that reaches into my soul and pulls me closer to God. Music that enlivens and uplifts. Music of quality and integrity. This happens, of course, with gifted leaders and practice, practice, practice. And so I cannot be too critical here because I am do not participate in the music program. There are some very dedicated people and the music they are making of late is quite good. Given a choir of six, they have a wonderful spirit and a wonderful sound. I would like a whole lot more but I am grateful for what we have.One Sunday a few years ago we welcomed a liturgical dancer. Just one. Doing a modern ballet routine to music on a CD. She had beautiful form and flow with the music as she danced up and down the main aisle of the church and up and around the altar. I just didn't quite understand it. It was beautiful. It just somehow seemed to be apart from the worship service. Maybe if we had had some kind of introduction and/or teaching first, I might have been more appreciative. If the music had seemed to be a part of us and not just for the performance of the dancer.But then I remember even farther back than the liturgical dancer -- drums. Or drum, as in one. And a singer who could sing with the drum. The drum and the singer were one and they were part of the liturgy and there was rythm and there was dance. In fact in our staid congregation people were swinging their hips and clapping their hands and they were a part of the celebration of God.Yes, music is good. We need more of it. Music that reaches our souls. Music that carries us up to God. Music that brings God into our souls.
Over at Jan Edmiston's A Church for Starving Artists, Jan is challenging our ways of promoting church. She continually throws out ideas that are relevant for all denominations as we struggle with the church of today. Maybe a better question is: For WHOM do we do church? And that piggy back's onto the "why." The one follows and precedes the other. These are questions that I struggle with constantly. Sadly, the answers that I perceive, are that we are doing church for "ourselves." Scary. So we are self perpetuating our stagnation, our segregation, our worship of the worship as we want it to be. We have lost sight of our purpose. In The Episcopal Church we are taught that our purpose is to spread the Good News, The Good News of Christ. Can't do that if we are preaching to ourselves; devoting our energies upon ourselves, worshiping for ourselves. Catch the SELF thing here? OUCH!!If we would just look at how we learn, how we learn to be in this world. We learn by association, we learn by example. We learn from role models that we respect and admire. How, then, can we best promote the Good News? By example, by association, by modeling. And how do we that? Can't do it in a vacuum. People meeting people. That is the only way. Bring people together to share a meal, laugh, play, talk, cry, share stories. It ISN'T about church. It is about people. It is about relationships. It is about sharing our story with one another. It is about supporting one another. It is about celebrating one another. This is God at work through us.SO! Let us not "do" church. Let us BE church.
