OH NOOooooo.......

 

Duh!  Something went awry.  I had a "Friday" blog scheduled to go live at nine this morning.  Didn't happen.  Oh, Well!
 

JOY TO THE WORLD

 

Michael Martchenko illustration from The Paper Bag Princess

Jopa is coming!!!!  I am a VERY happy grandma.  Jopa is short for Joseph Patrick, almost eleven, and the youngest of my grandchildren.  Jimmy, number three, will continue on with his dad to Boston for a college visit then back again for a short bit before all return to their home in Pennsylvania. 

Uncle Jeff is going to do Family Tree stuff and we'll do some candle making and Saturday a photo opp at Beardsley Zoo.  Then the fun of downloading and 'playing' with photos.  Family Dinner.  Ooooh, I'm a happy person
 

 

Awwww, how cute.  And clean.  And smelling fresh and powdery.  And wondering why he is suddenly getting so much attention.  This got me to thinking about how much I tend to make assumptions about appearances.  And it really isn't fair.  He's the same as yesterday, just better groomed -- and definitely better smelling.  Still in all, just the same. 
 

OFF TO THE GROOMER

 

This is obviously the "before" picture.  Gabriel really is needing a bath and a trim.  Although it has turned quite cold I just can't put it off any longer.  AND family is coming in and I don't want to have a smelly, grungy dog around -- because he will choose one of them to be his best buddy.

Having him out of the house and getting cleaned up necessitates all kinds of laundry so that when he comes home we get a fresh start.  I hadn't realized how bad it was until a few nights ago as I was watching TV with my cozy, fluffy blanket, I got a good whiff of DOG.  Ooops, time to go to the groomer.
 

ONE MORE TIME?...

 

This morning I wakened to a fresh layer of purifying snow.  And the snow is still coming down.  So soft and white.  My world is clean again.  The air is crisp and moist and invigorating and it isn't terribly cold. 

I went out picture taking first thing.  Garden Cupid is once again covered by new snow.  I went went out again when I heard a Cardinal close by.  I couldn't find it but there were several of them communicating from the tree tops.  The world was so quiet they were easy to hear -- not so easy to see.

It feels like God felt my angst and sent me comfort -- a soft, clean, fresh start.  A period of quiet during which I can relax and let go of assumed troubles.  A renewal.  A purification.  Peace.  Thank you, God.
 

CONFLICTED

 

I am feeling very much like this.  Right side up and upside down and not knowing which is the right way around.  Or if there even is a 'right' way around.  Sometimes it is hard to figure it out.

I think I am mostly just worn down with trying to be something I'm not and not knowing how to be the something that I am.  Wanting to by wise and understanding and supporting.  And not.  It works for a while and then it all falls apart.  And then on top of that not being understood for the falling apart and the hurt that happens.  Just gut wrenching hurt because I cannot be the person I think I need to be.

Key here is the 'what I think I need to be.'  I am guessing that I set myself up for more than I can handle and then when I fail it feels disastrous.  What I would like to do going forward is just to be more honest with myself about what I can do and what I cannot do.  It isn't a matter of wanting to change anything -- exactly.  It is just learning to deal with the realities and accepting them.

Oh dear God,  be here with me in my hurt.  Help me to learn to grow in your love and acceptance.  Learn daily.  Learn hourly.  Learn with the passage of time that my sight is toward loving my neighbor.  I am not going to even say ...as myself, because I am not loving myself very well this evening.  But tomorrow is another day and God will see me through the night with love and kindness and healing for the morrow.
 

 

Michael Martchenko illustration from The Paper Bag Princess

This is how life is feeling for me today.  Tomorrow will be better.