I'M SORRY

So you say.

Do you really mean that?

Two words so easily spoken. So frequently spoken. So frequently meaningless. I hate that. The person who says them expects to be absolved of whatever infraction they have committed. I don't think so. Back up. Not so simple. Just what are you sorry for? Let's name it.

I want to hear just exactly what you are sorry for. I want to hear "I'm sorry I embarrassed you last night at the party by saying ......" I want to hear " I really am sorry I forgot to mail the checks that you gave me." I want to hear "I'm sorry I was rude to your mother, I'll try not to do it again." I want to hear it. I want to know that you know.

AND "It's okay," does NOT have to be the reply. Most of the time it ISN'T okay. It was WRONG. It was INEXCUSABLE. Given the explicit apology an acceptable reply might be, "Thank you." Then again the reply might be "Can we talk about it?"

Sometimes "Try again," might be appropriate. An apology might be a small part of a greater problem. The apology, however, is a necessary part of the reconciliation. Sometimes it is the real beginning of the healing. Be open to an apology. And always acknowledge what was the wrong. Be sincere in the apology. And always be explicit. NAME the wrong.