SATURDAY, AUGUST 9 -- ANNIVERSARY EVENT

Fifty years ago this day, Neal and I were married. We had thirty-four years together and as marriages of the fifties go, ours was pretty good. We matured together and prospered and raised two wonderful sons. And then in the fall of 1992, Neal died. I call those years my 'past' life. I am fortunate enough to have moved on to a present life full of love and family and friends and spiritual and intellectual growth. I am happy.

But this is not about me, it is about the celebration of forty years of marriage of Sue and Jack. Neal and I met Sue and her girls through a mutual friend in the middle sixties. Because her daughters and our sons were the same age, and because Sue and Neal were both teachers, we soon became good friends and have remained so.

Sue was a widow, struggling with a job and raising children and trying to establish some sense of self and so decided to give Parents Without Partners a try. There she met Jack. Jack brought seven daughters and one son into the marriage, Sue , her two daughters. The son died along the way and was sorely grieved. The nine daughters all grew into wonderful young adults and are each one a credit to the love and guidance and support that Sue and Jack have given them.

Sue and Jack have retired to Maine and the daughters have spread throughout the country. All but one of the daughters were able to come for the event, some husbands, many grandchildren and one fiance. It was wonderful to see them -- some of whom had been in Neal's History classes, some whose weddings we attended, all I have known and admired for their various successes. Not all of the successes have been happy. There have been estrangements and divorces, disagreements, reconciliations. There are yet a couple of underlying problems but I have faith that they will one day be resolved. That is my prayer.

We enjoyed fine wine and conversation, scrumptious canapes and conversation, good food and conversation, photo albums, a collection of pictures on DVD -- and did I mention conversation? It was a wonderful evening. It just doesn't get better than being with old friends. Friends forever.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 8 -- THE WEDDING

Let me preface this wedding stuff with the declaration that the bride was fantastically radiant, drop dead georgeous, serene, completely composed, and eagerly anticipating her new life. Oh, and did I mention she was beautiful?

The weddding was to take place at the Redding Town Hall at three. We had to leave our house by one thirty to get to their house before going to the Town Hall. That is a lot of time between waking and having to leave. I opted to go to work so I would not be the frantic nag herding Bill toward the ETD. Bill's instructions for the morning were to take garbage and trash to the dump and get a ribbon for the gift. One out of two was good -- at least it was the ribbon.

The NYC family was picked up at the train station at noon. The photographer arrived shortly thereafter by car. I was just getting us all on the road at one twenty-five when I was informed that a fast food stop was necessary. Ooops! Change in route. But manageable. I'm flexible :)

We arrived at the house just before one thirty, piled out of our cars and were heading toward the door when up the driveway comes the bride, on foot, veil affixed to her freshly saloned hair, and looking somewhat flustered. While at the hairdresser she had been locked out of the house, had no keys and no cell phone. Thus a trip to the house next door to make a needed phone call.

The keys duly arrived. The bride and the flower girl donned their dresses. The bride was primped and pampered and was all aglow. It was only three and we were leaving. Oooops! One of the new kittens slipped into the garage as we were on our way out of the house. The next several minutes were spent coaxing her out from underneath the car and into the house.

Three oh nine and we were finally all on our way to the Town Hall. The judge awaited us on the steps, the guests were gathered expectantly inside, the cellist had about exhausted her repetoire. But the bride was finally there. I went on down and took my seat in the front row on the left. I felt so priveleged. Then the bride music started and our Mia came sedately down the aisle spreading her rose petals with great precision and solemnity.

Then the bride on her father's arm. (Did I mention she was beautiful?) Bill looked happy, and he is happy for her and Ryan. Amy looked beyond happy. And there standing in front to meet her were Ryan and her three boys -- all with smiles about to burst right off their faces. During the exchange of vows I could see pure delight, love and reverence shining in Ryan's eyes, his face was just complete joy and happiness.

And now they are family. All five of them.

The reception was a delight despite the drenching we all recieved as the skies opened up after the wedding and before we could get to the reception. It was a time for reacquainting with relatives not seen in months/years. One of those being Bill and Bill's sister Mary and her husband, plus Bill's sister Ann's children. It was good to catch up on successes and share in the sadness of sorrows.

All generations danced to the music provided by the excellent DJ and the bride and groom were constantly circulating among their guests creating a celebratory atmosphere for the whole event. Food, champagne, cake, music and dancing, laughter -- and family. It just doesn't get any better than that.

(Oh, and did I mention the bride was beautiful?)

30% OFF AT KOHL'S

A nasty virus interrupted my "Wedding" reflection which I will finish up after this brief interlude.

We had a thirty percent off coupon for Kohl's. Thirty percent is a LOT and not to be ignored. So off we went this evening to peruse the merchandise and see if there was anything without which we could live. My goal was to add into my wardrobe another "shaper" thingie. Now a shaper is an undergarment, meant for females, and squeezes together the loose, flabby, floppy, excesses. Since I have lost weight, I notice some, maybe not all, of these conditions.

In my youth, more than fifty years ago, we squeezed our mid regions into elasticized tubing. We would step into the tube, pull, wiggle, pull, squiggle, tug, even lie back on the bed and squirm our mid region into place. The name of the tube was girdle. Located at the bottom of the girdle, which ended anywhere from just below the crotch to slightly above the knee, were four tabs onto which we fastened our stockings -- hose, they were called -- long skinny tubes to cover our legs. If you were not fairly solidly built, the area between the bottom of the girdle and the top of the hose was....well, a bulge.

"Shapers" also come in various lengths, with and without legs. And of varying degrees of squish. I happened upon a seamless, mid thigh, comfortably squish style. I wore it to the fortieth anniversary, which I will recall for you after the wedding piece. A wonderful little undergarment. AND 30% OFF!

THURSDAY, AUGUST 7 -- ALIVE @ FIVE

We had gone to the previous Thursday's, Alive @ Five concert in Columbus park in Stamford. We had a good time, enjoyed the music (somewhat), had a burger and some chips, and of course a couple of beers. We also stood around for two or three hours. Bill wanted to go in to this last concert of the season. Boyz II Men was the group. Never heard of them myself, but what do I know.

The 'twenty-four hour without incident' mark was passed. No more TIA episodes and I was feeling like my regular normal self. I went in to work my regularly scheduled Thursday afternoon. I agreed to go to the concert but wanted to take the chairs this time. Bill said he would pick up something to eat at Costco and we'd take the picnic basket.

When I got in from work shortly after five, Bill was getting the picnic basket ready and we were soon off to Stamford. We found one of the last places to park on a side street off Washington Boulevard and walked a block and a half to Columbus Park. There seemed to be a LOT of people. There WERE a lot of people. We got checked in and tried to make our way to the grassy area. This took some maneuvering as there were so many people and not very much pass through space. We did, however, manage to not hit too many people with our chairs and basket, but it wasn't easy. It was tight. Not like the last Thursday when there was plenty of space to walk around from one side of the park to the other.

We found a teenie, weenie patch of grass and set up our chairs. The warm up group was playing. They were not bad. (Just not my music.) We were surrounded on one side by other chairs packed in tightly together and on the other by standees. Everyone was conversing over the music. It was very loud. We ate our supper. People flowing past all the time ABOVE MY HEAD. Really a LOT of people.

The warm up group finished up. The Boyz came on to much screaming and jumping up and down and the base notes vibrated the ground. The music(?) started. Everyone seemed to know all the lyrics and jumped up and down shouting them loudly. I think part of the jumping was so they could see the group over the heads of those in front of them.

A little girl behind us wanted to see. Bill put her up on his shoulders and carried her forward so that she could see the group. I was very nervous about this. The mother seemed a little nervous too after some minutes had passed and they were not back. But eventually Bill brought her back and she was thrilled with the experience.

Meanwhile the crowd was getting louder and tighter and more vociferous. I was getting very jittery. I took as much as I could and then told Bill that we had to leave. We packed up our chairs and started for the gate. HA! Fat chance. We could barely move. We literally pushed our way between the standing crowd. Forcing our way actually. LOTS and LOTS of people. When we finally got to the exit area there were streams of people trying to get in. There were twice as many policemen as when we had arrived. And they were nervous.

I was glad to get away and across the street where there were more people enjoying the music but it wasn't that crowded. I was still feeling panicky as we made our way back to the car. And then getting out onto Washington Boulevard was difficult -- bumper to bumper cars coming and going. Part of the boulevard had to be closed off to traffic coming toward Columbus Park. It was the biggest crowd of all the Alive @ Five concerts and they are rethinking next season. As well they should.

And so the second adventure of the week ended without disaster. On to the wedding.......

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 8 -- TIA

Transient Ischemic Attack

I'm going to back all of this up a little bit so that the chronology flows forward instead of backward. I hate reading books that are consistent flashbacks so I won't do that to my readers.

Last Wednesday morning began like every other morning. Just plain ol' boring normal. And then around ten as I was straightening up, and for once getting things in their proper places, I headed downstairs to put an extra tape dispenser in the secretary. Half way down the stairs my right arm went numb. I shook it out a little thinking -- what was I thinking? -- nothing. I went on into the sitting room and went to turn the key in the door of the secretary to lift it open. My fingers wouldn't work.

I am looking at my fingers and I know what they are supposed to be doing, only they're not doin' it. I can't make my fingers close around the key in order to turn it. And my hand is feeling very, very odd. I can feel it, but I can't feel it. This lasted a few seconds and then began to pass. I put the tape holder away. I flex my hand. I walk to the phone and call the doctors' office.

The women where I work are sort of 'family.' I was told to come right down to the office. I did. Well, I did eventually. It seemed to take Bill forever to get on shoes and shirt and gather his 'stuff.' On the way to the office my left arm started to feel odd. I know that the hand thing is a TIA. Some little part of my brain has been deprived of blood supply. I am scared. Shaky. Teary.

A very thorough examination -- my blood pressure is perfect, my heart rate is perfect, my strength is perfect, my sensory sensations are perfect, my coordination is perfect. The doctor is puzzled and orders blood tests and a CT scan -- NOW. Modern medicine is amazing. This intricate machine can see inside your head. Well, other body parts too, but the head is the focus for me. It takes all of three minutes of just lying still. A couple of hours later the doctor called me at home to say that the CT scan does not give us an answer. Well, that is good news and bad news.

The good news is that there was not anything significant -- like a bleed or a clot. The bad news is that we still need to know what happened. So more comprehensive blood work and a carotid ultrasound on Monday and I am put on a medication called Aggrenox which will keep the blood from forming clots.

But this is only Wednesday. The further good news is that I am okay and can get on with life. Great things are coming up in the next three days. God is good. Stay tuned.....

UNRECOGNIZED SPIRITUAL AWAKENINGS

The Gospel reading for Monday was the beginning verses of John. Today's reading had John the Baptist "crying in the wilderness" which sent me back to yesterday's reading: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." In my head, I substitute periods for the commas in this sentence making it three distinct pronouncements.

These pronouncements always stir something within me. Fifty five years or so ago, when I was in my 'look at how pious I am' mode, this reading caused me to put aside my piousness OR it was put aside for me. My whole being seemed infused with wonder and awe, humbleness. That one sentence made me feel different. Outside of myself somehow. Outside of myself yet part of everything. Whole. An amazing feeling for such a young girl

I could not have put any of this into words at that time. Even thought. It has taken years for me to realize that what I had experienced was the touch of God in my soul. It was one of my first awakenings to the experience of God. And I didn't know it. Had no clue. But it was there. It is here. It is part of who I am.

A SHIFT IS IN THE MAKING???

Once again there is a feeling of change. I am such a creature of habit that I just go along day after day following the same routine. Once in a while I pick up something new or drop something old. Not very often though, because being a creature of habit doesn't allow for a great deal of change.

This morning, however, I noticed that the coffee was 'off.' Just didn't taste quite as rich and robust. Flat even. And then, thinking about it, I realize that this isn't new today. It is a repeat over the last week or so. And the morning Sudoku puzzle didn't seem to be the challenge it is on most mornings. Not that the difficulty wasn't there, the enticement and interest weren't there. I felt bored.

Last Monday I started on the treadmill again after many, many weeks of avoidance. I stepped up on to the belt, turned it on, set the preferences and off I went. The new TV remote didn't seem to work so I settled for quiet. I enjoyed that so much that I continued for the rest of the week and today with no blather. Just my own thoughts. Trying to figure out the previous night's dreams. And today was able to compose a special gift card note. Really a productive time -- in more ways that one.

Small shifts in the norm but altogether maybe ominous. I am open to what might come.