BREAK THROUGH

God has broken through my spiritual drought. The Presence of God is at hand and I am at once startled and comforted, unsettled and pacified. God is. That much is certain. But what does it mean and what is expected and how do I proceed? Big questions.

An IPod comes with a detailed instruction manual. So does a lawn mower, and so does a jig saw. There are no instructions that come with this Presence. Jeffri says I need a burning bush. I would be happy to awaken one morning to words scrawled across the wall that say ' now do this......,' but neither is going to happen. I am going to have to figure it out somehow -- or not. I can only liken it to a marriage. Each day is a new day and we figure it out as it comes -- or not. The 'or not' option is troubling. I do not want there to be an or not. I want there to be fruition, progression, growth, continuing enlightenment, and above all, goodness. Please, God, let there be goodness.

Prayer comes to me easily now. And often. Not formal prayer. Mostly not even words. Feelings, a knowledge that God is with me and I am with God. Images too. Images of those for whom I pray. And energy. Energy to and fro and all over the place, connecting my prayer and God and my prayer people. The most astounding experience. Hard to put into words. Reluctant to put it out here. But for those who know and see and believe, those of you who experience God, you will know. You will believe.

I am now into the middle of a journey. The beginning began so long ago that I don't remember it. If it was even 'my' beginning. Beginnings are a myth, I think. Except for the WORD. I believe this was the true beginning. All other beginnings after that were probably 'middles.' There are probably no forks in the road just as there are no going backs in life. The choice is how we move forward.

That is the current dilemma -- how to move forward, how to work with this Presence in my life. A dear friend tells me that this is too new to be thinking about any whys or hows. So I think I will just be with it for now. Experience it. Rest in it as I did the drought. Experience it but don't get too comfortable. The way may be easy but, frankly, the yoke is NOT light. The yoke is the yoke of responsibility and that is not easy.

And so this is more journey. I really have come to dislike this term that is bandied about in the jargon of the church. But it IS a journey. And I have this feeling that it is not going to be an easy one. It will be fraught with emotional and spiritual challenges. There will doubts. There will be denials. There will be confrontations with the past and the self. I am at once daunted and excited for that which is to come.