Thursday, May 29, 2014

THE SADNESS OF BROKEN


Stuff gets broken. A few days ago as I was returning from dumping waste into the compost bin, I noticed that my beloved garden cupid had dropped his wing. As I picked up the pieces I realized that it had once been repaired. Do I remember doing that? It was the Stix All adhesive that I always use for such repairs. Don't remember the when or the circumstances of it.  I brought him onto the deck.  Bill attempted a Duco Cement repair. It didn't take.

This is the garden cupid that sits on the top of my blog. I have had him for quite a long time and have taken numerous pictures of him during various seasons. It is sad. Being broken is sad.  And having been fixed and breaking again is VERY sad indeed. I made the decesion to not  attempt another repair. Some things have served their term and need to be retired. This is very apropos of relationships also. An omen.

I cried this morning. Things that are broken and cannot be repaired are sad. Very sad indeed.


Sunday, June 16, 2013

WAITING FOR WILBUR



Gabriel is twelve years old now.  Blind.  Neurological problems that affect his hind quarters.  Gabriel sleeps a lot; eats pretty well; still goes outside to tend to personal matters; loves lap sitting and spends the night snuggled against me.  That being said, we do not know how much longer he will be enjoying this life.  So as long as he is comfortable,we have decided that we will accomodate his problems.  And it will be a heavy hearted day when his time with us is at an end.  And we will be very, very sad.

For two or three years I have been looking for another Shih Tzu as an addition to our family.  Not a puppy this time.  There are a ton of rescue dogs out there and suddenly the right one appeared for adoption.  Golden S Rescue will be delivering Wilbur to us this coming Tuesday evening.  Wilbur is also a Shih Tzu albeit almost four pounds heavier than Gabriel's 6.2.  He is four years old - give or take.  He is reported to be friendly with humans, animals, and cats; cuddly, personable, and housebroken.  He comes having been neutered and with all shots and immunizations. 

The addition of Wilbur will change our routine, our schedule, ALL of the family dynamics.  There will, of course, be an adjustment period.  It will take time and patience -- all round.  Aside from all of this, we are quite excited about this new addition to our lives.

And so we wait with anticipation -- well, Gabriel sleeps.


Thursday, May 30, 2013

THE PRICE OF HOPE AND FAITH



Mr. Robin has been missing for a few days.  I had seen him flitting around with bits of food in his beak preparing to take it into the nest.  I decided to investigate.  There was no Mrs. Robin; there were no eggs; the nest was trashed.  The softer compact bottom layer was dislodged and askew and it was all dangling precariously in the Japanese Holly bush.  Gone. No more.

Where will they go?  Will they build again?  Will they find a more suitable location?  Having been so devastated for all her efforts, will she just give up?  Will she try again this season?  Will she return next season?  Or will she just give up and go away and never try again?

I can relate to Mrs. Robin.  My church nest has been taken away.  I face many of the same questions.  There are several options for me.  A couple are close to home, others not too far from home.  I don't think I'm ready to visit another place of worship yet.  I'm a little scared.  I need a respite.  I'm thinking God will wait with me through this interim period until I am ready.  There is always hope.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

CLOSED. FINISHED. DONE.



GRACE EPISCOPAL CHURCH - NORWALK, CT.

 The doors are closed.  The congregation dispersed. Grace Church is dissolved. No more.  I left behind those doors the hurts and heartbreak and frustrations of the closing; the strife; the nasty.  No more. Gone. Left behind.

I brought with me all the love in the world.  I brought with me years of sharing stories.  I brought with me a sense of what community can be.  I brought with me the knowledge that wherever I go I have gifts to offer a new community.  I know how to share my story; I know how to listen with an open heart and without judgement; I have learned that scripture is to be savored and enjoyed and that it can be interpreted differently with each encounter; I am beginning to learn how to turn the negative into the positive.  This last from our Lent Workshop.  We could have used more time to continue.  It was not to be.

A lot of things were not to be.  That's okay.  We can each take them away with us and continue in our new church homes.  There are more opportunities.  We have earned hope.



Saturday, April 20, 2013

FAITH IN ACTION



Mrs. Robin has been busy since my last visit.  She certainly has faith that this nest is going to be safe for her eggs.  Faith that she is going to even have eggs.  Faith that things are going to happen the way they are supposed to happen. 

Before I even made this visit, I today took a leap of faith of my own by dusting and storing away my beloved Christmas creche and lavender Christmas tree which have been in our TV area giving me solace and comfort; reminding me of the promise that all will be well.  I no longer need this crutch.  I am okay now.  The church is closing.  We have enough money to pay decent severence to our staff and to keep current with our bills until the final sevice which will take place on May 26.  It has been a long and stressful time.  I just could not bear to put away "Christmas" while I was deeply mourning this loss. 

I will still grieve.  Tears come easy, too easy.  The ache in my heart is forever.  And that's okay.  There will one day be new places to nest, new eggs to nurture, and new fledglings to support and encourage.  One day at a time.  This day is the day that it was NOT sad and heartbreaking to put away Christmas.  It is spring.  There is hope.  There is faith that all will be well.



Thursday, April 18, 2013

HOPE



Mrs. Robin in going to try again.  Maybe it isn't the same Mrs. Robin.  Maybe it is.  The faith that it takes to start building this nest, four feet off the ground right next to our back stairs.... WOW!  Now, that is faith.  Some might call it instinct.  Perhaps faith is instinctive. 

If a mother robin can have that much faith, then surely I can have enough faith to know that the closing of Grace Church is not an end.  It can surely be the beginning of a new nesting in some other place.  In fact there will be multiple nesting places for the people who will be temporily without a church home. We will not all choose to go to the same new place.  We have different needs and different experiences.  What we have learned at Grace we will take with us and be changed yet again and change those with whom we join.

Maybe this is a good time for a church to be closing its doors.  It is spring.  There is that hopeful promise of all things new.  We have been enriched in this place.  We have learned more than we can ever pass on.  We have experienced resurrection and we will now follow Christ into the world to do what God would have us do.  We are equipped.  We are ready. 

Saturday, April 13, 2013

APPREHENSION



Here it is April 13 and the Christmas Cactus is blooming.  How very odd as I have just today removed the Christmas table cloth and replaced it with the flowering one for summer.  The seasons are running into one another.  The world is topsy turvey.  It is confusing and unsettling.

Here it is April 13 and I am NOT looking forward to tomorrow's Vestry Meeting.  When finances are concerned, the emotions run hot.  When the church is closing and the money is running out the emotions are raw.  People are vulnerable and possibly not wanting to make hard decisions.  Hard decisions have to be made.  What do we do about staff severance?  Is there enough left to pay the current bills AND give severance to the staff?  On top of this there is a question of outreach requests.  Too much to grasp. The world is topsy turvey.  It is confusing and unsettling. And the meeting is tomorrow.  And we will have to make decisions.

Personalities clash.  Emotions may cloud judgement.  We will be hard put to be courteous and pastoral, to remain calm, to listen to one another.  We will have to count on God to be in the decision making.  We will have to count on God to guide us through the decision making.  We will have to count on God....