WRAPPING UP

Wrapping up Advent and wrapping up the year. Getting ready to begin again, although, I already have begun again. The church newsletter for January has been sent. Surely that is a BIG wrap up and beginning.

Reminiscence of the days of Advent will be held here in picture and in memory. It was a good Advent and was peaceful until the last couple of days. It makes me hopeful for the next Advent. Will I attempt this same exercise for Lent? Definitely not! The exercise got out of hand and finally became an exercise in the exercise and not the intention that it was meant to be. Perhaps next year I will be more intentional in limiting the exercise for a meaningful Advent.

I look forward to a blessed new year.

Wii CHRISTMAS

I actually did research on this Christmas present. It was NOT a whim. First it was to be something that Bill and I could do together. Second, it had to be active. I consulted reviews. I consulted a knowledgeable person at Best Buy (Yes, they DO have very helpful people there. And personable. And well informed.) Also, I consulted my grandson, Jon. Hands down the winner is Wii.

And then Bill's son gifted us with Wii Fit Plus. I am now sore in places that I didn't know existed. My big mistake was trying out some "fitness" moves that were well beyond my ability. I have now moved into a plan that might be more beneficial -- building balance, coordination, and strength.

This is the beginning of my ten minutes a day until I get a little bit more fit. I would like my fitness age to be less that 72. Well, yes, I AM 72, my fitness doesn't have to match that. Wonder what my fitness would be if my intelligence and mental alertness were being measured? Not goin' there. Not now anyway. Get the bod in shape first.

PEACE ON EARTH????

The morning paper's political cartoon space was occupied by this Christmas gift from Gary Varvel. This was his creation for 2008. For the current year's gift click here. This one in particular pretty much sums up my feelings about this day. With so much hope, how did we go so wrong? Or is the state of affairs what Jesus foretold had to happen before the second coming? Regardless, I am accepting my own personal hope in the fact that the Grace of God is always with me -- regardless of the rights and wrongs that exist. It is really hard to see past the wars, the hungry children, the riots. I have to hold on to the grace I continually receive from God. And I have to hope....

CHRISTMAS EVE

Happy Christmas to all. I will soon be going to my own Christmas Eve service. I hope y'all have a special service of your own -- formally or informally. God knows where we are and who we are and why we are. God bless us all.

DECEMBER 23

WRONG!!! I have Christmas Freeze. You know that thing that happens in your head when you take too big of an ice cream bite? Brain Freeze? Well, this is Christmas Freeze. It happens pretty much the same way. Too much Christmas 'stuff' builds up until paralysis sets in -- Christmas Freeze. And it isn't because I have too much to do. I'm done. Wrapped. Labeled. Done. But the world around me is nuts.

Twenty minutes of silence is just not going to happen. Oh, the silence may happen. But not in my head. My head is going to be going gang busters nuts. So I think I will skip even trying for that. What I am hoping for is a Christmas Eve respite. A time to relax in my church. Be with the people that I love. Hear the songs. Say the prayers. Be at one with God..... I am hoping.

WHAT LIGHT???

My light just plum went out yesterday.

Hope to get it back by Friday.

WHY,GOD, WHY????

I am frequently experiencing doubting times in my life. The doubts come at odd times. Usually not in troubling times. Mostly in times when I am free of pain and agonies and have the clearness to be thinking on the workings of things. Doubting Thomas is very real for me. Show me, Lord, is just about where I am a lot of the time. And with the 'show me' comes, WHY. I am many times into the whys. And sometimes even wherefores.

Why, Lord, are there hungry children? Why, Lord, are homophobics allowed to exist? Why is there so much cruelty and hurt and killing? Why aren't we all one color or even better, WHEN will we all be one color? When will there be heaven on earth -- I know it will happen, WHEN?

MANSIONS/ROOMS/DWELLING PLACES

Remember when Jesus said something like 'in my Father's house are many mansions/rooms/dwelling places....I go to prepare a place for you.'? I take that to mean that there is a place for each one of us in God's kingdom. No matter who we are. No matter how different we are from one another. NO MATTER WHAT -- there is a place for us with God.

The collect this morning, however, is intimating that in US there is a mansion prepared for Jesus. In US. Jesus longs to be in US. WITH us. Being in our lives for the long haul. Being a part of who we are and who we long to be. Jesus IN us. Almost too overwhelming to accept. I'll keep working on the thought, though. Jesus. Part of me. Me. Part of Jesus.

GENEROSITY

The idea of this is not new to me. RevLois gave us the story of a woman who gave a diamond ring to a poor woman. Just because. Because the woman needed something special in her life. Something beautiful. And in giving the gift there is NO follow up. We don't need to know how the gift was accepted, used, kept, passed on or sold. We just do the giving.

And there is no 'thank you' involved. Better that the gift is anonymous. Better that the receiver just receives and enjoys. Better that the giver knows in her own heart that it was a good thing. All round, God knows.

FEED SOMEONE

It is easy to feed the hungry. At my own church there is the opportunity to supply our own Food Pantry which is available for call ins and our own parishioners who are in need of food subsidy. Food banks abound and are always accepting donations. It is so easy to add a few extra things into our basket when we do the weekly grocery shopping.

If you want to make an even bigger donation to try to eliminate hunger in the world you can go to Episcopal Relief and Development and choose any number of ways to make a difference. And here's an even more challenging way to make a difference -- invite the corner panhandler to join you around the corner at the local diner. Look her in the eye, let him know that they are valued as people. Have I done this? -- not yet.

THE MAGNIFICAT

My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord,
my spirit rejoices in God my Savior;
for he has looked with favor on his lowly servant.
From this day all generations will call me blessed:
the Almighty has done great things for me, and holy is his Name.
He has mercy on those who fear him
in every generation.
He has shown the strength of his arm,
he has scattered the proud in their conceit.
He has cast down the mighty from their thrones,
and has lifted up the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
and the rich he has sent away empty.
He has come to the help of his servant Israel,
for he has remembered his promise of mercy,
The promise he made to our fathers,
to Abraham and his children for ever.

I have never been much of a Mary person. That is I don't pray to Mary. When I pray I go directly to God. But I have always liked this poem. Maybe because it is all direct to God and is what God is all about. And the language flows. It is good. Enough words. Read it again and just enjoy.

BETTER TIMES?

Okay, I have read Psalm 4 three times. I am NOT getting the connection between what the psalmist says and what the Wall Street connection is. I DO know that the ups and downs of life are troublesome and many. I do know that many are now struggling with the downs and do not have the wherewithal to cope with them. It is for these that I am concerned. The people experiencing homeless situations right now are many. How do we help them?

There isn't an easy answer. It is hard to look this kind of need in the face and know what to do. We give what we can. We offer what we have. Is it enough? Probably not. Is it necessary for us to make the effort? Yes. Can we do more? Probably.

TWO DAY ADVENT CATCH UP

Not surprising that one day would happen that I couldn't get it all done. And it did and this is the catch up. I am NOT omitting anything. Both are included.

I do treat the earth well. In fact just this morning I was ripping brown paper into strips to add in to the compost bin along with garbage and leaves. I have just learned that paper was a valid component of the composting materials. Stands to reason, being made from trees and plants. So back to the earth it goes. And ever since I read "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy, I have been an avid conservator of water. Sometimes to the ridiculous but that book REALLY made an impact on my thinking about how we live and how we waste the obvious.

Then on to the proverb itself, with which I do NOT agree. Children learn from their parents and other adults that they watch and mimic. It is the parents that need to hand down a tradition of conserving our resources. And if it didn't happen in one generation START it now. It is really up to the generation that parents today's children to model conservation. Period. Do it!

The reason I didn't do this yesterday is that Bill and I went into New York City to see the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular. A first for me and I really enjoyed the show. And we did a whole lot of walking -- from Grand Central Station to Rockefeller Plaza and back again and definitely not direct routes either way. So I saw lot of gospel writing in the lights and colors and shapes and sounds of the city. And people. Lots and lots of people. So different from the flowers and the clouds and the stars. Every bit as important and colorful, alive and real, being a part of creation each in its own way.

ADVENT 3

Sometimes I just don't get it. We are asking God to stir up God's own powers. In fact, it isn't even a request. We are telling God to put a big wooden spoon into the great pot of powers, stir them around and then come round and shower us with grace and mercy. There must be a whole lot of other powers in that pot; asking for grace and mercy is probably wise. The Lord knows that we need it -- in abundance. Yep, they're free. Free for the asking. I think I want to emphasize the asking part. By asking we are acknowledging just what it is that we need the grace and mercy for.

Many of the collects in our Book of Common Prayer are wise and heartfelt prayers. Then there are one likes today that just seem to be filling space. It is a good thing that the sermon this morning was more enlightening than the collect. And maybe I should be thinking about writing my own collect that is more in keeping with my feelings on asking for grace and mercy.

LIGHTEN UP

I really take great exception to being told what God loves or likes or disapproves or wants or doesn't want. I do agree that we needn't be taking ourselves too seriously during this Advent. Or any Advent as far as that is concerned. More to the point, we need to be reminded that we are reacquainting ourselves with the arrival of Jesus.

Of course, we have the advantage of knowing how the story goes -- so far. Resurrection is part of the story for us. But it isn't the end of the story. None of us knows the end of the story. That is why we need to be reminded about how the story plays out. The birth of Jesus kind of comes in the middle of it all. First there is creation. The birth and resurrection are the middle part of the story. We don't know how the end plays out. What we are doing in Advent is to remember the part of the story that brings Jesus into this world. Sometimes the secular traditions of the Christmas get in the way of the birth story. That is the challenge, to try to maintain a balance in our own lives of the sacred story and our secular traditions. Important to "lighen up" and not let it all overwhelm us.

REACHING OUT ???

Interestingly enough, the person that I most needed to reach out to, reached out to ME this evening. She has been in rehab after a hip replacement. I have been to see her a couple of times. I have been "busy." She has been rehabbing. I have been busy. She is now home.

I think that we need to be aware of the needs of others. At the same time I think that we need to be aware of what our needs might be and allow others to tend them. Sometimes it is hard to NOT be the pro active person. Sometimes we need to relax and allow ourselves to receive care and attention. And in so doing we are actually giving the gift of giving to that person. We all need to give. And we all need to feel that our giving is accepted and appreciated. We need to be gracious givers and appreciative receivers.

LUKE 3 -- A G A I N ????

On December 3, having read all of Luke 2, we were sent ahead to read the first six verses of Luke 3. Read the whole of Luke 3 on the 4th of December. And now on December 10 we are sent back once again to Luke three to read verses 7-18. And why? Well, because these are the verses we are going to hear this Sunday. And we need to be beaten up some more about our sins and all the bad stuff that is going to happen to us if we don't straighten up. We aren't even into the middle of Advent yet and I am longing for some words of encouragement. I need to know that somebody loves me. Enough already of John screaming in the wilderness.

I am not wanting to even think about what the 17th is going to bring us. More of Luke 3 no doubt. Perhaps between now and then we can have some positive stuff. And if it isn't, I'll turn it into positive. I am doing pretty well at my Advent discipline of reading Luke, coloring and meditating, writing a line or two about the days calender offering. Positive. Be positive.

UNPLUGGED

I am very fortunate to be able to have some time most mornings for 'self.' It is a quiet time of doing puzzles: Jumble, Celebrity Cipher, Newsday Crossword, and, of course, the Sudoku. Some days I actually finish all four. Taking on these daily Advent pictures has added time for myself. Choosing and applying the colors, thinking about the day's offering, all quiet time.

PLUS I continue to read the chapter a day of Luke. This is even more time away from 'communication' with others. And I have learned that reading Luke BEFORE I play with the colors is better. More time to meditate on the chapter. Like today there were included six parables, count them SIX. And in addition, a couple of little asides. So, once again, a chance to lament the demise of the swine herd. And what about the one where Jesus notices that power went out from him. I've always wondered if that meant that there was power taken away from the whole of his power and therefore it could get used up or that there might be an unlimited supply. Then I think, no, this is Jesus we're talking about. God has power going on forever. But these thoughts do surface every time I hear the story.

THANK YOU, GOD

'Thank you, God' is my first prayer of the day. Imagine NOT waking up. I am just thankful that I did. Then I'm thankful that all my body parts are working. Thankful that I still have a job in this nasty economy. Thankful that I am loved and have ones to love. The list goes on and on and is probably pretty boring. True facts are a lot of the time boring. I have an abundance of boring gifts in my life. And I am endlessly thankful. And the prayer continues throughout the day -- every day.

Well, this is the first time I have met up with Ambrose. A saint no less. So I was prompted to to Google him and sure 'nuf, Wickipedia has more information than I need to know. Check it out yourself here. I was more than a little impressed that this unassuming man was raised up and accomplished so much and remained true to his belief in his Christ. Really impressive.

It was only after my peaceful time of quiet while I played with the coloring that I even thought to look up Ambrose. I can get lost in the Internet far too easily. I was happy to be lost in the color and quiet of today's picture. It is a kind of prayer time when I can just be. I lose track of real time. I forget the pressures and the responsibilities. If only for this little bit of colorful time. It is relaxing into the timeless of God. I enjoy that.

ADVENT 2

Hard to believe that it is the second Sunday in Advent already. It has been a full week with extra hours of work due to filling in for an absent workmate. I am not used to working so many hours and I must admit to some weariness. I was glad for this weekend respite. And I took advantage of the respite to do little and what I did do was at a leisurely pace. The Christmas Crazies are being held at bay.

There is a busy week coming up beginning tomorrow filled with church and personal commitments as well as the usual twenty hour work week. I will continually seek God's grace as I live on toward Christmas. I am fully aware of the abundance that I enjoy and will seek ways in which I can share with others.

I'M SORRY

So you say.

Do you really mean that?

Two words so easily spoken. So frequently spoken. So frequently meaningless. I hate that. The person who says them expects to be absolved of whatever infraction they have committed. I don't think so. Back up. Not so simple. Just what are you sorry for? Let's name it.

I want to hear just exactly what you are sorry for. I want to hear "I'm sorry I embarrassed you last night at the party by saying ......" I want to hear " I really am sorry I forgot to mail the checks that you gave me." I want to hear "I'm sorry I was rude to your mother, I'll try not to do it again." I want to hear it. I want to know that you know.

AND "It's okay," does NOT have to be the reply. Most of the time it ISN'T okay. It was WRONG. It was INEXCUSABLE. Given the explicit apology an acceptable reply might be, "Thank you." Then again the reply might be "Can we talk about it?"

Sometimes "Try again," might be appropriate. An apology might be a small part of a greater problem. The apology, however, is a necessary part of the reconciliation. Sometimes it is the real beginning of the healing. Be open to an apology. And always acknowledge what was the wrong. Be sincere in the apology. And always be explicit. NAME the wrong.

BEEN THERE / DONE THAT

Yes, been there, done that and I'm not doin' it again any time soon. In fact several years ago I even gave up sending Christmas cards. It wasn't the expense; it was the push to do it. I began to be more thoughtful about the gifts that I give. AND I slowly worked into the "Adventness" of the season. Now I am getting better at pushing aside the commercialism and really enjoying the thoughtful gifts that I can give. It isn't perfect yet. It is still a process of getting back into the REAL Christmas -- whatever that is. The point is that I don't dread the season any more. I am learning to enjoy it and getting into the waiting. I haven't achieved the quietness yet ..... I'm working on it.

SNAFUUUUU

Sometimes things don't play out the way they are planned. The authors/planners just don't think things through. That is what happened with today's Advent offering. I had just finished reading the second chapter of Luke -- the gift from yesterday -- and today's thought is from Luke 3. Now really, what is with that anyway? I was annoyed. VERY annoyed.

Putting that aside, the question is how I will get ready for Jesus. Well folks, I think I am about as ready as I'm going to get. I am pretty transparent. The Collect for Purity has been my watchword for a very long time. "Unto you all hearts are open, all desires known, and from you no secrets are hid." How much more open to God can I be? I think that being genuine to self and to the public is ready.

BEGINNING THE GOSPEL OF LUKE

Okay, I cheated. Last night I took a peek at today's Advent Calendar offering and thus brought my bible downstairs with me this morning. So BEFORE I even looked at my daily puzzles, I read the first Chapter of Luke. I don't know whether I have ever read it all the way through from beginning to end. Ten years ago in Education for Ministry (EfM) we did study all four Gospels during the second year. Still, I don't think we read it through from beginning to end.

And so, yes, I am giving myself that gift. It will be a good addition to my Advent. Even the very first chapter is rich with stuff I know I have read but haven't kept the pieces together for reflection. Yes, this is good.

PRAYING HIV/AIDS

There is something to be said for daily suggestions about thought and prayer. Today I was able to pray at random times and thoughtfully about the HIV/AIDS situation. Initially, I get angry with God for allowing such travesty. I don't stay angry long. I hurt. I hurt for the wrongs in the world. They aren't God's wrongs. There are just bad things. And so I pray for those suffering. I pray for the ones who care for them. I pray for the ones who have died and who are going to die. On and off. All through the day. It has been a day filled with prayer.

A day of Thankfulness also. I am thankful for the advances in medicine that are beginning to get a handle on this virus. I am thankful for the research. I am thankful for the medications that are now available. I am thankful for the grace that we have been given to love and be loved regardless of our afflictions.

FOLLOWING JESUS

This "Follow me" thought was part of my morning breakfast reading. I hope to be following this Advent Calender through all of Advent. I am hoping that the coming days give me not quite so difficult propositions. This is HARD. Really hard!

How will I answer the call? I am not liking it that I am questioning that I am not already doing it. And that gives me reason to question whether I am doing it good enough. And just what is good enough, anyway? So I am going to give myself credit for thinking I am answering the call -- present tense. That at least the journey is in progress. That I am aware of what I do and how and even why.

ADVENT 1 2009

Don't know how it got to be Advent already. Seems like it was just Easter. My father-in-law said, too many times more than once, 'It's tough to get old.' Well, at seventy two I don't feel like I'm old yet. Time sure is doing funny things though. I am becoming a believer in the time warp. You know, the theory that time isn't' really linear, that it evolves in and through and back and beyond and forward and back again -- and all at the same time. That's why it seems as though it were just Easter and, walla, here it is Advent.

Our priest, revLois, gifted us an Advent Calender. Each day is a little cartoonish type drawing with a variety of inspirational thoughts and ideas. It is perfect for the kid in me to want to color. So I am thinking gel pens and highlighters, maybe some color pencils. Fun stuff. And THEN I had the idea of posting it up on the "Purple Crayon" project board at church and .... and .... and... what? That took a bit of thinking. I finally decided to cut the days separate from the frame of the calendar and just post the frame, adding in the days as I got into church to paste them up. AND then, I thought maybe other people would do their own days and paste them up. Maybe not, but wouldn't that be fun?

This is how it looks on this first day of Advent. The text is a prayer, "Almighty God, give us grace to cast away the works of darkness, and put on the armor of light ..." I really liked the thought of putting on an armor of light. Rather like a protection against all the things that trouble me. All the nonsense of the world. All the frivolous stuff that drives me crazy. Also the darkness of allowing time time to dither me and throw me into a panic. An armor of light to carry me more wholly into the world. Hmmmm, maybe I can even make that more 'holy.' I like that thought even more.

And so I begin this Advent with a 'lightened' spirit.

Follow the journey with me if you wish......

THE TICKING OF TIME

I have a small bedside travel alarm that ever so softly goes tick, tick, tick, tick. Each tick soft and distinct and separated by a slight pause. On the far side of the room there hangs an eight day coo coo clock. It cannot go a whole eight days because the ceiling is not high enough for the weights to be able to drop eight days worth. But that's okay, it goes for five days before I need to pull up the weights. This clock generally goes TOCK, TICK. I know this sounds strange and I have concentrated on hearing TICK, TOCK but it just isn't. It is a very definite TOCK, TICK.

In the wee smalls of this morning, however, when I awakened to a quiet, restful peace, and lay awake listening for the hour to strike, there was a different rhythm. Now, my sister has a coo coo that is only a twelve hour coo coo. The tick of this coo coo sounds to me as a frantic ticktickticktickticktick with no pauses in between at all. The grandfather clock at my sisters keeps time with a rich and regal TICK pause TOCK pause TICK pause TOCK etc. This aside is to illustrate that I am well aware of a lot of different ticking sounds and rhythms.

So in this morning's wee smalls as I listened, I heard -- TICKity, TOCK, TICKity, TOCK, TICKity, TOCK. Very strange. I listened for quite a while and it did not change. Four o'clock came and went as did the half hour, and then five. I decided that I had been in bed for long enough and just got up, showered, had oatmeal and coffee and am on with my day.

Any why does all this ticking seem important to me today? Could be because it is my seventy second birthday and I am all too aware of the ticking of time. Which, by the way, seems to be passing me by faster and faster all the time.

AND -- Advent begins tomorrow. Didn't we just do that? Obviously not. And so .... on into Advent ...

MOVING ON TO PIMSLEUR

I slogged through the first lesson of Tell Me More. It was a challenge. More of a challenge than I need right now. I did finish that first lesson -- a lot of it was hit and/or miss. It starts out pretty easy and there is some fun stuff in it. Like puzzles to fit Spanish audio words into; voice graphs to help with pronunciation; good sound so that I could hear words and phrases. All in all a very good program. The frustration seeped in when I realized that the program was presupposing some knowledge on my part that I just did not have. Like the conjugation of simple verbs and like male and female nouns. The frustration became too much.

Back to the public library and back to square one. The librarian introduced me to Pimsleur Language Programs. One version comes in a little IPod type thingie called Playaway. It fits into the palm of my hand, has a headphone jack, and even comes with a spare battery. There are eight chapters and I am midway through Chapter 4. The verb conjugations and noun genders are worked into the explanation of the conversations. AND I get to take part in the conversations -- or so it seems. The 'how do you answer?' parts are especially good because they are repetetive. And the repetitive parts aren't boring, just consistent throughout.

The problem for me in this Pimsleur is that it is all audio. I don't get to SEE the words. SO. I have learned something new about myself. Well, it isn't new, it's old, just a new revelation. I learn visually as much as audibly. In fact, if I had to choose one, it would be the written word over the spoken word. I have always needed to write things down in order to commit them to memory. Perhaps my brain photographs graphics better than it stores sounds. Hmmmm... interesting.

One of the doctors at the office where I work speaks Spanish. She said she would help me practice. The think is that it is embarrassing to practice. I know I am pronouncing slowly, clearly and distinctly. I know this because the words on the audio run together. I hear the words singly and then when they are in a sentence they sound totally different. That is why I think it would be helpful for me to SEE the words. Don't know. AND it would be helpful to have others working and struggling with me.

I will struggle onward. It is exercising my brain. And when I finish this Pimsleur The Short Course, I will see if the public library has the "long" course and then I will go back to Tell Me More. There are a lot of options.

TELL ME MORE

"Tell Me More" is the name of a language program that can be accessed through some library web sites. The Darien Public Library, of which I have been a patron for forty six years, does not have the program -- or any other for that matter. AND they were reluctant to go to bat for me to gain access at the Norwalk Public Library. Their solution was that they might look into purchasing the program or something similar for our library -- the keyword here is "might" and that is not helpful to me.

I appealed, therefore, to the Norwalk Public Library and their director was gracious enough to gift me with a bar code so that I can access the program from their website. When I spoke with his assistant, I was telling her that I was going to try to get a group together at our church so that we could be support and encouragement for one another. She allowed as how I might not have great luck because the number of card holders to the population of Norwalk is fairly low. I find this strange. From the time our sons were first allowed contact with the general public we went weekly, as a family, to the library. In fact as a youngster in New Castle, Indiana, I biked all the way across town, on my own, to the public library. Being a library patron has been a part of my growing up process. And seeing as how am still in the process, it will go on for the rest of my life.

"Tell Me More" offers many languages, but for the reasons in the preceding blog post, I am interested in Spanish -- Latin American Spanish, there was that option. And so I began. It is very hard. My last language experience was in German in the '55'/'56 school year and I barely passed. In fact I think the passing grade was hinged on my promise to not continue into another semester. Latin in High School was a similar disaster. I surmised from these experiences that I was just not a language student. A LOT of years later, I am not willing to accept that surmise. My current reading about brain development and processing tells me that I can still learn.

As I said, it is hard. When I began I felt as though I had been plunked down in the middle of the beginning with no instructions. I floundered onward. I am used to text book and paper and pencil learning. This learning is through voice sound and seeing the words associated with the spoken words. Sound graphs show me how a word is and then when I speak the word it is graphed below that so that I can compare. Very hard. All this new technology in learning!

There are also fill the letter into the puzzle boxes in answer to a voiced word. I love puzzles, so this was a challenge and I wasn't too bad at it. I stumbled upon a vocabulary list during one session but haven't seen one since. That might be helpful to me -- or not. Don't know.

I do know that I am excited about learning something new. I am excited about the possibilities of conversing with our Latino friends, however simply. 'Hola" is good. It's a start.

LANGUAGE BARRIER

We are in conversation with the local Latino congregation for a future merge. They are a much younger congregation than we are. There is energy. There is love. They represent heritage from a variety of Central and South American countries. Their mission priest is from Puerto Rico -- and only six years ago. It is opportunity abounding. For all of us.

At our first meeting we had an interpreter. Last evening's meeting we were on our own. Their priest, Jose Diaz, speaks English very well. Our priest, Lois Keen, is learning. Their young people are all bilingual. We are not -- any of us. We did a Bible study together using the Gospel appointed for this Sunday -- Jesus sending out the disciples to preach and anoint and heal. Jose and Lois read each in their own language and then in the other's. It was really hard understanding the responses from some of them. I felt that I was really missing a lot by not hearing them. AND, of course, it took away from the meaningfulness of the Bible study -- at least for me. I am almost seventy two. The thought of learning a new language is daunting.

One of my recent interests is in the brain and I am finding out amazing things. The brain has plasticity and can keep on learning at any age. In fact learning a new language is one of the greatest opportunities for growth -- along with learning to play a musical instrument or knitting. And in the learning our brains stop aging and put dementia and Alzheimer's at bay. Sounds like a plan.

God is calling us in new directions, both as community and individually. I have suggested that our people learn the new language together. But we seem to be a busy people and that isn't going to happen. It is difficult to learn such a new thing without support and accountability. I am still working on how I am going to do that. But, God willing, I am going to figure it out.

WHERE IS GOD?

I had thought that God was in our hearts as we enumerated the attributes and characteristics of Grace Church. When all was said and done, the lists compiled, the obvious was obvious. And the Bishop asked "WHERE IS GOD?" Well, everywhere. But you don't SAY it, he answered. Nowhere on these lists that you made is the word God or Jesus. NOWHERE.

Oops! What were we thinking? Inward, of course. And some were thinking of how Grace Church WAS; and some were think about how we want Grace Church TO BE. There was very little of what Grace Church really IS. And we certainly did NOT mention God in any of it.

We don't like to look at what is and we seem shy about even mentioning God. We are afraid to look because we know we are going to come up short. So, why not just look at the short of it and build from there? How hard can that be? And put God into it. A better question for us to be considering might be "How do we experience God?" And the ways that we can hear this is by listening to one another. Gathering and listening. Hearing how God has worked in our lives and how we expect to go forward following Jesus. Talking. Listening. Hearing. Gathering together. Praying.

COMING UP REALITY

Yep, reality. Tomorrow is going to be a big day in the life of Grace Chruch. It is the day for meeting with Bishop Drew Smith and his cohort Jack Spaeth. We will all be meeing after a three thirty Healing Service.

The title of the Bishop's offering is "Six types of congregations we have known and loved in the Diocese of Connecticut." My hope is that this presentation will awaken parish members to the obvious plight of our parish. That it can no longer exist as it has up to this point. That there is just enough money to take us through 2011. That there is no longer a choice. Well, yes, there is a choice. Remain how we are, then close the doors.

My greatest hope is that reality will open hearts and minds to new ways of doing church. New ways of worship. New ways to spread the gospel. CHANGE!

I can hope.

LABYRINTH

Several years ago I got really into labyrinths. Read all there was on the web at that time. For more information check here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labyrinth and for more information than you will probably ever want to know check here http://lessonsforliving.com/labyrinth.htm. I read a couple of books. Then I discovered that a Chartres labyrinth on canvas was open for public walks once a month at a local church. I became a once a month walker. Basically, for me, this is a meditative/prayerful walk. I stand at the opening facing the center, take a few quiet moments to settle myself, and then step by step, make my way to the center.
The Chartres style labyrinth is much more intricate than the basic seven path Cretan ones pictured below. It takes me about three quarters of an hour to walk to the middle. Now this is a slow meditative walk, mind you. I have seen children delight in a labyrinth run. And I once had the privilege of seeing Helen Curry, author of "The Way of the Labyrinth: A Powerful Meditation for Everyday Life," dance around it. That was a spiritual vision to behold. It is a great book to read, by the way.

My son Jeff and I put two labyrinths on the floor of the undercroft at our church. (Undercroft -- that is church talk for basement.) We used masking tape so it wasn't permanent. We encircled each one with votive candles, had a CD player for Celtic type music, and invited one and all to come walk the labyrinth. People of all ages came on a Saturday evening, removed their shoes, and quietly walked these labyrinths. The next morning, the Sunday School children enjoyed themselves also -- in a much more playful way. It was such a great success that we wanted to paint it on the floor, for a more permanent meditative tool. Alas, the knowledge about the origins and use of a labyrinth were not fully understood, and the project was suppressed.

Now, though, years later, we have more knowledge, acceptability, and an enlightened priest. We are planning labyrinths. Did y'all get that? LabyrinthS -- plural. I am excited about the future of this church. We are going forward. The Holy spirit is pushing us.

LIMES

Some people buy fresh cut flowers. I buy lemons and limes for our table. Sounds weird. I am a weirdness in many areas of life. Why pay a lot of money for flowers that are going to drop petals and stickiness and lose color and droop muddy the water and ...yuk.

I don't have anything against cut flowers. Actually I am pretty good at making passable and pleasing arrangements and I have discovered that cutting the stems every other day or so and replacing the water with fresh VERY warm water, will hold the flowers for ten days and more. The frugality of it is that this is an expensive luxury and one of my main weirdnesses is frugality. Not cheap, mind you, but definitely frugal.

Lemons and limes last for a very long time AND they are practical -- edible, tasty, a wonderful addition as zest, juice, slice, wedge. Can't say that about cut flowers. I have a favorite use for lime wedges which I keep in a little baggie in the frig. I wet the rim of a tall drink glass, dip the rim in salt, squeeze the wedge into the glass, shake in a few drops of Tabasco, and top with a can of Miller Light. Don't laugh, it is a wonderfully refreshing drink.

My friend Kathy has discovered that lime wedges and slices, frozen on a tray/plate and then bagged will keep in the freezer for a long time and are instantly ready for culinary use. I haven't tried this yet. Today's super bargain of a dozen limes for $1.99, of which I purchased TWO dozen, is certainly incentive to give this a try.

Lemons and limes, do turn, though. Lose color. Sometimes get fuzzzy spots. I can't bear to throw them out so I move them to a "past their prime" spot. Maybe not as attractive as fresh but interesting in its own way.

When my sons say to me, "Mom, you're weird," they are undoubtedly right.

Lovable though.

THE PEACE OF GRIEF

In the twilight of this morning,
When all of time meets and folds over
and in and on and between itself,
I went back to my mother's dying and told her of my love.

I was the child offering the mothering.
She was fetal, wanting, waiting.
I love you, I said, it will be okay.
She was fetal, wanting, waiting.

My fingers smoothed over her brow.
Love her, Lord, make it okay.
My cheek touched the forever smoothness of her cheek.
Take away her darkness, Lord.
Tell her I loved her.
Tell her I love her still.......


It has been almost ten years since my mother's death. I think I am finally at peace with it and with her. Thanks be to God!

TWITTER/BLATHER/PHTTTT!

Twitter seems like so much blather. Or so I am assuming from the descriptions I hear on the news and in some blogs. I don't blather -- much. Maybe why I have been so quiet here for such a long time. I need to think through things before I see the letters forming into words.

Twitter just appears to me to be brainless. Like texting, who needs to be that attached. I am thinking that I don't need to be that attached. I like to listern. I am a blog lurker and rarely comment. This is pretty much the way I am in "real" life. I sit on the sidelines and listen. When I do speak it is from the innermost part of me. Sometimes spoken without prudent self censorship. I get into a lot of trouble this way. But the truth in my heart gets put on the table. The elephant in the room is acknowledged -- sometimes too forcefully, but, hey, somebody's gotta do it.

I am too private for twitter. Anyone else's and especially my own. Maybe I am too private for blogging. Maybe that is part of my problem here. Perhaps I need to let my hair down, so to speak, and really say it the way I see it. That can get me into a lot of hot water, so to speak, so I will give it a little bit of consideration. But watch out, folks, I'm tired of rigid thinking, passive, denial ridden pew sitters. I am about to explode with frustration and continually thwarted hopefulness.

STABILITY

Our lives are troubled and fraught with difficulties, challenges, and, oh my gosh --change. In every generation. Those behind me face the problems that some of us are escaping. Those ahead of me, although there are not all that many any more, are facing the end times and resolution with their present and past. Technology mushrooms. The environment? Who knows. The financial situation is disastrous. And on and on.

No wonder that we seek some stability for our lives. And so we turn to the church for the sameness that will offer solace and peace. Surprise! The church is not the same. And trying to make it the same is causing it to die. And those that don't want it to die are struggling to find new ways. It is hard. Jan Edmiston's blog has been addressing this issue in the church where she serves for quite a while. Yesterday's blog spelled out many of the stumbling blocks that we face. Do go read it here. It is also worth reading the links to which she points.

The struggles with an emerging church in a staid congregation sets up an "us/them" situation. And this in itself is not healthy and, worse yet, not pastoral. But what to do? This morning as I was thinking through some of these things, I realized that God is the sameness. God is what we are all seeking. And yet.... I think that some have embedded "God" in the rituals of old. Somehow God is lost in the trappings of the sameness that we hold so dear.

Perhaps we will find a way to release God from the bondage we have created and thereby set ourselves free to know the living God once again.

PROMISES OF SPRING

The snow has melted, the ground is soggy, and the air is warm. Time to start thinking about yard clean up and plants and containers and all that good stuff. spent some time today looking through some container gardening books and then walking the yard to see what was and what is now and what might be.

Bill cut the butterfly bushes back. Just in time before they start sending out new growth. I hate cutting new growth. He also cut a couple of branches out of the Japanese Maple or maybe it's a Chinese Maple, don't know. There are still more branches that need removing but there is always another day. Then when I was carting all the branches out back to pitch over the fence, I found these lovely little green sprouts poking up through the rich brown earth.

Ah, I said to my self. And 'ah' again. How green, how tender, how young and fragile and vulnerable. And how much these dainty little creatures give me hope. Spring is coming.

THE ICE OF WINTER

It was only twenty this morning when I went out for the paper. And there is still plenty of snow. And, of course, all the water in my pretzel containers have turned to ice. Well, they have been ice for a while, because they have been on the deck for a while.

Ever since reading The Road by Cormac McCarthy, I have been super conscious about our use of water. Bill would say I am over conscientious, even obsessive. I have been known to just turn off the water when he is rinsing out the sink. And I go bananas when he rinses dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. This water conservation effort isn't new with me. I used to siphon the kid's bathwater out to the lawn. Here in the northeast we have nasty dry periods.

Since The Road this water obsession has led to the saving of water in many ways. The water run until shower temperature is reached is a considerable amount of water. The water from rinsing out the coffee pot is quite acceptable for plants as is the water from cleaning vegetables. We save it in big Utz pretzel containers. There are containers in the bathrooms, in the kitchen, wherever there are plants, and eventually the overflow makes it out to the deck. We have LOTS of jars of water. We also had a great amount of rain this fall and winter so that the containers were not emptied. So, I have jugs and jugs of water -- ice in the ones on the deck.
And a fascinating formation of ice. There is a cone of ice in the center, surrounded by ice. And I don't know which froze first the cone or what surrounds the cone. Whatever, there will be water for plants when the time comes.

THE LION OF MARCH

There was a dusting of snow when I took my seven pound shih tzu, Gabriel, for his last walk of the day. As is my current custom, I then settled into bed to read for a bit. The dragon novel that I have been enjoying just wasn't holding my attention so I turned out the light and snuggled down under the blankets. It was some time before I fell into a light sleep. I kept coming into consciousness and opening my eyes and finding it light. Each time I checked the clock, each time is was still night time.

Finally, I got out of bed and went downstairs to turn out the lights that I had obviously left on. Only there were no lights on. The world, however, was very light. In fact there was a pink glow to the neighborhood the origin of which I never located. Surmising that this was some sort of reflection off the snow, I went back to bed, finally, to sleep, awakening at the normal time.

I don't consider that March came to us like a lion because it must have been a very gentle snow. There were six to eight inch high gatherings of snow on fence tops and even narrow porch railings. LOTS and LOTS of snow. Beautiful white snow. Covering the whole of my immediate world.

Gabriel, being only a few inches high, had a difficult time finding just the right places for his morning ritual. Heretofore, the snows have been heavy enough that he could manage walking on top. This snow was way to soft. Nature won out though, but he was not happy.

Here he is, my Lion of March

MARCH NEWSLETTER

There is always a "panic" feeling in the pit of my stomach just as I click on the "send" button to dispatch the newsletter. Even though I have gone over it a kazillion times and even had top notch proofing done for me, it is still a scary feeling. What if something is really wrong? What if it is ALL wrong? It happens. There is always something amiss or awry.

This is one of the ministries in my life that somehow just happened. In fact, the happening was more in the way of my volunteering. For an interim period. Interim is stretching -- it is well over a year now. It is not the newsletter that it could be; it is the newsletter that I can do. And really all I do is format and edit. Once in a while I write a piece. Not often.

And truth be told, the newsletter is not read. Not by many anyway. How do I know? I know. And how does that make me feel? Actually, as soon as the "panic" feeling disappears -- and that is seconds -- I consider it a done deal and turn my attention to the next project. Knowing that I have done the best that I am able, and in a timely fashion is enough. It is a worthwhile ministry for me.

HOWEVER, if someone were to come along and say, "Hey, you know, I really would like to take on the newsletter," I would be ecstatic. A new look, fresh energy, modern thinking, all would be good. Until then.................

SATURDAY AS SABBATH

It is Saturday. Nothing is planned. No appointments. No commitments. A sabbath time. I was just reading about time over on Milton's blog. He has some interesting things to say about time, do go over there and read it all the way to the end where you will find this quote: "I can see the transformational possibilities when I can remember the who more than the where. To be friends with time is to choose people over tasks, shared moments over schedules, passion over punctuality." Profound!

Time is a precious commodity. And filling it up with busyness seems to be the norm these days. We are in such a hurry to accomplish. I am guilty of enjoying the process while the accomplishment often does not happen. I am looking at that phenomena differently these days. No more guilt about a project left undone. I now look on them as learning experiences. I have a closet full of "learning experiences" that reflect the expenditure of much of my time. When I come across those unfinished projects I fondly remember the joy and satisfaction of the process. Maybe one day when one of these projects surfaces, I will have a renewed interest and pull it out begin anew. Maybe not also.

Relaxing in time is fairly new to me. It must have happened gradually because I don't remember making any conscious effort to attain this. Accepting what is immediate is a better way for me to engage life. Deal with the now. Do it the best way I can. Let the future flow into a better now.

LENTEN FASTING

RevLois went over the fastings of Lent in her Ash Wednesday homily. Fasting is NOT abstinence, she insisted. Giving up chocolate just isn't fasting. Giving up cigarettes might be fasting. The real fasting she said, and I remember her saying this same thing LAST year, is to eat half the usual amounts for two meals of the day and then a simple third meal -- like bread and soup. The point being that the process of the giving up should be felt in the body as well as in the soul.

AND whilst cutting back on our intake we might spend that saved money to buy food for the food banks or feeding the hungry in some way -- locally, nationally, internationally. Or volunteer our time at any number of places.

At supper tonight Bill said to me, "What are we doing for Lent?" To which I replied, "What did you have in mind?" He answered, "We could buy some food and take it to the food bank." "Yes, we could, " I said, "And what will we be giving up in order to have the money to do that?"

He looked at me with this really got look on his face and said, "Give up?"

So much for the fastings of Lent. I'm not doing it. Not this year. Last year we actually gave up dinners out for all of Lent and donated that money to the Sierra Leone Project. It was well worth it. This year I am not inclined to do anything. I fell pretty well loaded up with my current efforts. I need to do some serious taking care of myself. Instead of adding more on to my life to keep track of and evaluate and judge and cause me agita. perhaps I will take stock of what I am already doing. Is it working? Is it worthwhile? REALLY worthwhile? And to whom?

Many things to think about this Lent.