POST TRAVEL

Safe Home as the family informs one another upon their return from a trip. And I have even done the dreaded unpacking so that now I can actually enjoy the memories unencumbered. I took very few pictures. I seem to have to be in the mood for picture taking. Or have some plan in mind for their use. Lacked that motivation this time.

The Monet exhibit, Drawings and Pastels, was a good fill in for other Monet exhibits I have seen. And the display of many of his sketchbook pages gave me new insights for Moleskin usage. In fact later that same day in a Borders outlet I came upon the Moleskine sketchbooks for $2.99. Grabbed some of those suckers.

From Monet at the Clark Institute we went down to the Norman Rockwell Museum. Much different than when the museum was down the street from the Red Lion Inn. This museum is quite put together, paintings nicely spaced, audio clear and interesting. I remember as a young, young girl going to my grandmother's house and sorting through the stacks and stacks of Saturday Evening Posts looking for Colonel Stoopnagle's. And, yes, we appreciated the covers too. Rockwell was a genius at catching the meaningful moment of life.

Gabriel survived the night at the Animal Inn. In fact we were told that he was a quiet and enjoyable guest. I may take him there again on another trip.

And discussion on the way home was enlightening and hopeful. Yes, we can change our attitudes and our behaviors and make better choices for ourselves to make all relationships better. Life is good.

LOST IN BERKSHIRE COUNTY

It was a simple miscommunication. Can't even say misunderstanding because I understood perfectly. Thought I did, anyway: I came out of the vet's and repeated the instructions to find the Animal Inn. Bill pointed to a spot on the tourist map and said, "Oh, there." I made note of that spot.

That was yesterday when we were searching for a place to board Gabriel for the day. Today, I located the "there" on the tourist map and co-piloted toward that point. It was not long before we were both thinking that we had never been over this route before. BUT "there" was still further. And on we went. After a l o n g a time we both admitted that we were not where we wanted to be.

Turn around? Find another place for Gabriel? I didn't have his papers with me so that necessitated going back. But to where? Finally, it occurred to Bill to have me call information on my cell and get directions. We were miles out of the way. An hour, at least. But we did get Gabriel to the Animal Inn, two hours later than planned, and made arrangements to have him stay overnight so that we could finish the day without time constraints.

Back to the miscommunication: The "there" was a Walmart on the tourist map. The only Walmart on this map was not the Walmart landmark that was on the way to Animal Inn. This was a new Walmart that hadn't made it to the tourist map yet.

Neither of us was right, neither wrong. Just miscommunication. We were both able to apologize and move on. Sometimes relationships work.

VACATION REFLECTIONS

I'm still trying to decide if it is really worth leaving home. But maybe. The pace is slower. There are no time limitations. A wrong turn is a wrong turn not a catastrophe. There is time to relax and not "have to" be or do. I like that. I could get used to the drifting along in time just picking up and doing what catches my fancy and being whatever I feel like being.

This is what time outs are for. To rediscover what it feels like to drift in time. To not have to make decisions in a time frame. To not even have a time frame. I guess I should do this a little more often.

While away we received pictured of my young gand nieces on their first day of school. They look so precious I wanted to share them with the world. And I almost did. Then I thought better of it. There are a lot of bad people out there and I just didn't want to take the chance of exposing these two darlings to any of it. Isn't that a sad comment on life as we live it today.

On a brighter note we found a place to board Gabriel while we see the Monet exhibit tomorrow. It is so wonderful to find helpful people who are willing to go out of their way to accomodate a request. This is a joyful comment on life as we live it today.

We toured the back roads of Berkshire County for most of the day. It is very similar to our part of Connecticut with the addition of the background of the mountains. It is relaxing and actually soothing. I found that when we stopped at the Shaker Museum, I really did not want to trample the way through the dust and in the sun so we opted for the gift shop and went on our way to tour the back roads some more.

PRE TRAVEL

Travel requires planning. What to take. More importantly what not to take. I always forget something important but have too much that is unnecessary. Books. More books that I can possibly read. Not enough tops. Another time not enough bottoms. Always plenty of books, though.

Art supplies. Who knows what fancy may strike. Color pencils? Drawing pads? What size? How many? Always too many, but better more than less in this instance. I'd rather do without deodorant. Well, maybe not.

Spare glasses. Spiral "pages" notebook, pens, ink. Color Prayer Moleskine and color gel pens. Computer. Can't manage without the computer. And that means cords and cables and the mouse. Stuff.

And then there is Gabriel. Dog food, bowls, comb, brushes, scissors, cotton balls, and now eye drops. This little eight and a half pound Shih Tzu requires a bag of his own plus his crate. But, can't leave home without him. And this time am taking his rabies certificate and immunization record, just in case I have to board him for a day.

Upon the return home we just have to unpack all this stuff and disperse it back to where it all belongs. Sometimes wonder if it is really worth leaving home.

GABRIEL PROBLEMS

Upset in the family today. Gabriel is our six year old Shih Tzu. He is eight and a half pounds of love, spirit, and joy. I have noticed the past few days that his left eye was blood shot. This morning the light caught it just right and the cornea looked cloudy. Panic, of course.

This afternoon at the vet's he was checked for glaucoma, cornea checked for ulcer, and then sent home with eye drops for irritation. By the time I got in from work the redness had already started to clear.

This is my second Shih Tzu and he has captivated my heart the same as the first. He is small and soft and lovable. Gabriel does, however, have a few quirks. Like chewing on Bill's hearing aids when he finds them on the night stand. That's the worst -- but I can't really blame Gabriel. We have responsibilities too. The only toys that he plays with are small, stuffed squeaky creatures -- no balls or hard ropes or Frisbees. He loves red peppers, tomatoes, bananas, and peaches, which he gets with his kibble. No canned food, no table scraps.

We give our hearts so freely because they ask so little.

RELATIONSHIP

"There was a fine line between love and hate, you hear that cliche all the time. But no one told you that the moment you crossed it would be the one you least expected. You'd fall in love and crack open a secret door to let your soul mate in. You just never expected such closeness, one day, to feel like an intrusion." -- from Jodi Picoult's The Tenth Circle.

These words jumped right off the page and hit me between the eyes. Smack! I feel like that sometimes. Not often, but sometimes. Why is that? Because I let someone in, gave too much of myself away, allowed the crossover into intrusion? Scary. And even more frightening is the fact that the other person doesn't know. Doesn't understand the change in attitude. The backing off. The silences.

Yes, I feel the intrusion. Sometimes. Maybe he feels the same thing. Hmmm... I wonder how we correct this. Or if we even need to. Maybe couples need some space. Sometimes. Maybe we also need to take a look at what and who we are to one another. What we hope for ourselves. What we hope for the other. Do couples have these conversations?

We are going away for a few days. Away from the routine of every day. Maybe we will look at some of these questions. Maybe there won't be answers but we can acknowledge the questions.

WAKE UP CALL

Yesterday I left Bill at the eyeglasses counter at Costco and went off meandering on my own. I completed the circuit, saw what I wanted to see, and returned to the eyeglasses counter. Bill was not there.

Knowing that he was probably looking for me, I stationed myself in the center of two main intersecting aisles. This always works because I frequently meander off not paying attention to which way he has gone and I need to be "found." And he did find me.

"I thought I saw you before," he said to me, "but I was pretty sure you didn't have on a red top." And, of course, I didn't. Don't have but one red top -- rarely worn. Red is not my color.

"Look," he said, "there she is down there." And he pointed down the way to the woman wearing a red top. She was about ten inches shorter than me, she looked a lot thinner than me, and I am fairly thin right now. She had short hair like me. She had white hair like me. She was a little stoop shouldered, NOT like me. And she was old.

......like me?

I was stunned. Do I really look that old? Guess so. Don't like it very much, but there it is. Barbara is getting old. Getting? Hmmmm. Maybe is. I am sixty nine. I think of eighty as being old -- not sixty nine. My aunt Mary is ninety nine and that is old. Somehow I just don't think of myself as being old. And, guess what? I'm going to continue to not think of myself as being old.

A MIRACLE(?) HAPPENS

Late yesterday afternoon as Bill was about to get into the shower, he discovered that one of his hearing aids was missing. After his shower we drove over to the work site and looked. An impossible situation -- he had been mixing and pouring cement for fence posts so there was no clearly defined area in which to look. To say nothing of the poured and hardening cement and surrounding piles of dirt from the post holes. ARGHH! Hopeless.


He called this morning, about fifteen minutes after he left for the work site. "Guess who has two hearing aids?" he said. He went on to tell me that last night he "dreamed" where the lost hearing aid was, and when he got to the work site, he looked, and there it was. Then he said, "And I already said 'thank you.'"

Ask for what you want;

Believe it will be given;

Let the process happen;

Say 'thank you.'

SUNDAY'S GOSPEL -- August 12

Unless I am reading the lessons as part of the Sunday service, I do not read the lessons ahead, that way they are heard fresh with my current situation in life. Usually I am the acolyte that retrieves the Gospel Book from the Altar and carries it to the Baptismal font and holds it as the priest reads. Sunday it was Luke 12:32-40. The only thing I heard was "Make purses for yourselves that do not wear out..." I immediately thought COACH -- a Coach bag is forever, or so acquaintances tell me. Pick one you like, pay the exorbitant price and Coach will keep it going forever.


This is a sad commentary on what secular knowledge does to our thinking. I do NOT have a Coach bag. If I pay twenty dollars for a purse, it is a lot in my mind. I am frugal, frugal, frugal. In fact we went to Clinton Crossing on Saturday and, for the first time, I walked through the Coach outlet. I was appalled at the prices -- even in the outlet store. If it were "forever" there was nothing for which I would have paid such a price.


Obviously it was still with me on Sunday, these "Coach" prices and promises as I held the Gospel Book and heard the Word.

IMAGES OF BARBARA

We are still working on pictures. However, I do not take a very good picture. I close my eyes, I open my mouth, I look wide eyed and weird; my mouth is open in a gaping, gasping, guffaw; I am sallow and worn and hopeless; I am gesticulating and ranting and ugly. Nothing looks natural -- what is natural? I am a person of many moods, attitudes, and places of being.

I am thinking to take some pictures of my Shih Tzu, Gabriel, and use him as my "marker." He doesn't like to have his picture taken either, however, and photo shoots with him usually result in blurs, a bowed head, or even a back view. We will keep the cameras going and see what we can do. In the meantime we have this, and then there is the serious one that I chose -- mainly because of the color that matches the blog page. Somewhere down the road there will be a picture that seems like the real me. The real me? There are so many. Which one shall I choose? And who IS the real me?

AMERICAN PIE

We have just returned from the Don McLean concert in Stamford. This is the last Alive at Five Concert for the summer. Bill and I had half a CostCo spinach salad each that we ate after we had settled in at Columbus Park.

I took a book and read for a while. Watched as people gathered. Families with young children, the young twenties bunch, teen agers, boomers, and then the sixties crowd, and older even. As time went on the young children became restless and began tossing around their freebie plastic balls and squealing and falling all over one another and their parents and anyone else nearby. I watched one ignored four year old pour Sprite and Heiniken from one can to another and then another and then drink the mix. A group of five or six twenty somethings were sitting around on the grass in a circle smoking gross, fat cigars. YUK!! Young couples, singles, parents became more animated in their conversation. And the decibels increased. Finally, it was a strain to even hear the music -- the beat, yes, but not the lyrics.

Too much noise and too many people. I began to feel a little panicky. And then AMERICAN PIE. This caught the attention of most of the crowd who sang the lyrics and gyrated to the beat. Bill said that we could go. And that was fine with me as long as it didn't take away anything from his enjoyment of the concert. Hey, he said, I listen to this stuff all day long (ITunes) I don't need to stay.

They were singing American Pie as we folded up our chairs, while we struggled our way through the crowd, and all the way down to the car. The walk to the car away from the loudness and the throng of so many bodies was calming. The drive home was further calming. Being home in the quiet is peaceful and wonderful.

THE GREAT SHAMPOO SCAM

The last bottle of shampoo was in the shower when the brand went on sale again at my super market. Same brand, same flavor, BUT -- "30% MORE," in big red letters on a yellow swatch just above the brand name White Rain. Yes, the volume was 30% more. The price was still the same sale price as the previous (30% less) bottle had been. So, what a bargain I got, right?


WRONG! When I opened up the new, "30% more," bottle and tipped the shampoo into my hand, I discovered that the 30% more was obviously -- water. Instead of plopping onto my palm in a nicely mounded glob it went running out between my fingers, onto the shower floor, and down the drain. So now I have to use, you guessed it -- 30% more to get the same lather as I did with the original.


I feel duped. I am a frugal person, very careful with how I spend my money. And I really don't like being cheated or taken advantage of. And, of course, in this instance, there is no recourse. Well, there is an 800 number to call. Perhaps I'll try that tomorrow. I'll let them know that I haven't been fooled, that I've got their number, and that I don't like it. But will I be heard? We like our grievances to be heard. We want the satisfaction of knowing that our concerns are taken seriously. Actually we want reprisal, vengeance, compensation, and apology.


What I really want is to be treated with honesty and integrity. I guess that is just too much to ask for in today's world.

Martha and Mary

It has been over two weeks since the Martha and Mary lesson:

(Luke 10:38-42 "As Jesus and his disciples went on their way, Jesus entered a certain village, where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to what he was saying. But Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so she came to him and asked, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me." But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her."


I am still sitting with it. It has always disturbed me because I have always identified with Martha and the lesson is that Martha is wrong. I really don't like being wrong. This time around I got a one on one lesson from Lois+, our priest, telling me that being with Jesus is the only important thing that we can do. Hmmm... new thought.



Okay. I can deal with a new thought. So I try a different approach. One of the Bible Study approaches is to be IN the story. BE a character in the story. So I am Mary. I am sitting at the feet of Jesus. Jesus is sitting on a chair? a couch? a something, and I am sitting on the floor at his feet. He is talking/teaching to the others who are sitting around -- on chairs, on couches, on something. I am sitting on the floor at his feet.


Martha has just poked her head around the corner from the kitchen to see where I am and why I am not helping. She isn't mad. She is listening to Jesus. She wants to be a good hostess, but she also wants to hear the Good News that Jesus is telling us. She is trying to be the good hostess and the good disciple. Jesus is asking an awful lot of her. I am sitting on the floor at Jesus feet.


I am sitting on the floor at Jesus feet. I am leaning against his legs. I am "touching" him. He is talking to all the others -- the ones sitting on chairs and couches. He does not even acknowledge me -- I am sitting at his feet, on the floor. I am like the invisible person. He doesn't even know that I am there. I feel outside, not part of the group, not important. I am hurting because I want to learn and understand these new teachings but they are directed at others, not me. I am NOT part of this "in" group. I am alone. I should better be with my sister, being the good hostess.

There is no learned lesson here. I will continue to struggle with the story. Maybe the next time around I will be in a better place of understanding.

LOGO REFLECTIONS

Sunday's sermon was the "vanity" sermon. "...all is vanity and a chasing after wind." (Ecclesiastes 1:14) which was translated for us as the toil and effort we expend for tomorrow is hopeless. Appreciating the present, we were told is all that really counts.

Well, I have a few thoughts on this. AND, I may have received the lesson differently than it was intended. First, I know that the only time that I can touch God is now. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, just now, in this very moment. Having accepted that, I have learned that it behooves me to pay attention to the past -- like births, and weddings. If I don't remember these past events I am not likely to acknowledge them in the "now" in which they occur; because for this to happen there needs to be planning for that future "now." I know that I have allowed myself to be too much in the now for that planning for the future and I have disappointed any number of people by missing the anniversaries of wonderful events. I am trying to be better but there are still major lapses. My sister, Jacquie, is wonderful remebering important events and remembering them in sufficient time so that we, the recipients of her adcknowledgements, feel loved.

Yesterday was a good lesson for me in this appreciate the now scenario. I spent a good bit of the day working on the church logo. This has been a long and arduous project. Mostly because I am working in unfamiliar territory and each step is a new learning process. I began with a photo of the Pentacost altar frontal. John Sutton took the photo and e-mailed it to me. I brought it into Photoshop. I think this was in June -- the past. Since then I have taken out the flames, turned it black and white, printed, hand outlined, re-photoed, retooled, tweaked. It has been a long process. Yesterday I got it the best that it has been and transported it into a mock Service Bulletin, and the Welcome Leaflet we have been formulating. All of this "now" activity, being enjoyed and appreciated, and still in contemplation of the future. Is this "..vanity and a chasing after wind?" I hope not. I hope I got the balance.

On the left is the altar frontal on the right is the current version of the logo. Refinements are in the offing, I'm sure.

FROM THE "For What It's Worth" Department

So now ya'll know -- I can by a trusted, loyal friend.

You scored as Ron Weasley, You often feel like second best and as a result don't have an awful lot of self confidence, but a truer more capable friend would be hard to find. Ron Weasley 90% Draco Malfoy 80% Ginny Weasley 80% Remus Lupin 75% Hermione Granger 70% Albus Dumbledore 65% Sirius Black 60% Harry Potter 55% Severus Snape 55% Lord Voldemort 10% Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...? created with QuizFarm.com