WAITING FOR WILBUR

Gabriel is twelve years old now.  Blind.  Neurological problems that affect his hind quarters.  Gabriel sleeps a lot; eats pretty well; still goes outside to tend to personal matters; loves lap sitting and spends the night snuggled against me.  That being said, we do not know how much longer he will be enjoying this life.  So as long as he is comfortable,we have decided that we will accomodate his problems.  And it will be a heavy hearted day when his time with us is at an end.  And we will be very, very sad.

For two or three years I have been looking for another Shih Tzu as an addition to our family.  Not a puppy this time.  There are a ton of rescue dogs out there and suddenly the right one appeared for adoption.  Golden S Rescue will be delivering Wilbur to us this coming Tuesday evening.  Wilbur is also a Shih Tzu albeit almost four pounds heavier than Gabriel's 6.2.  He is four years old - give or take.  He is reported to be friendly with humans, animals, and cats; cuddly, personable, and housebroken.  He comes having been neutered and with all shots and immunizations. 

The addition of Wilbur will change our routine, our schedule, ALL of the family dynamics.  There will, of course, be an adjustment period.  It will take time and patience -- all round.  Aside from all of this, we are quite excited about this new addition to our lives.

And so we wait with anticipation -- well, Gabriel sleeps.

END-OF-LIFE HAPPENINGS





Who could not love this adorable little guy?  This is Gabriel, a twelve year old Shih Tzu.  Much loved by all who meet him.  A very significant part of this household.

Gabriel went to the vet today for a check up.  He is the same as he was three weeks ago when I took him in and learned about his end-of-life condition.  Oh, the end of life isn't tomorrow, or next week, or maybe even next year.  It is, however, an end of life stage.  He has nerve damage in his spine.  He does not control his back legs very well.  He walks with caution and often one or the other of his back legs gives way and causes him to collapse.

He does not seem to be in pain.  Some days walking is easier that other days.  We give him an anti-inflammatory.  He weighs 6.4 pounds today, up from the 6.2 of a few months ago.  He eats.  He drinks water.  He loves his treats after meds.  He sits on Bill's lap for long periods of time while Bill reads.  He sleeps curled up next to me at night.

The vet said that swimming in the bath tub might help him exercise his legs.  I'll have to figure that one out.  Also have to find a doggie life jacket for him.  She, the vet, also gave me the name of a pet rehab facility.  Didn't know such a thing existed.  I may look into that too depending upon how I manage the bath tub thing.

End-of-life phases happen to all of us.  Wonder how I will manage my own.  Or Bill's for that matter.  And who will be around to see to my meds and my rehab.  These things can happen at any time.  Best that we live each day fully and appreciatively.

Bill and I will do our best to love and care for Gabriel.  We will do our best to love and care for one another.

LIVING INTO THE ISSUES

In the midst of chaos and confusion, heartbreak and grief, self doubt and anger, I try to find peace.  Well, at least solace.  Yes, solace.  That's it.  Comfort.  Knitting helps.  Maybe it is the constant rhythmic motion that soothes me.  My hands are creating something with these needles and this yarn.  It is good.  Soothes the mind, calms the body, replenishes the soul.

A return to blogging after more than a year is both daunting and challenging. It is time.  It is time to return with these issues in my life as I struggle to understand and live with them.  To make sense of them.  To move on with them to the other side of them.

Gabriel, my lovable, six pound Shih Tzu, of some twelve years, is losing control of his rear legs.  He previously lost his left eye and his right eye does not see a whole lot and is treated with drops twice a day.  He is small.  He is precious. He is couragous.  We will care for him and give him all the comfort and support that we are able.  We will not let him be in pain.  This is a difficult path for me to live.  But live it I must.  Blogging will keep track of how we deal with this issue and what it does to alter our lives.

Secondly, the church that I have attended for the last twenty years is closing.  Grace Episcopal Church, Norwalk cannot continue for lack of parishioner participation in doing God's work and funds to maintain the physical plant.  I have been a very active member of this parish serving in many roles and this is breaking my heart.  I am in a greiving process.  I cry a lot.  Sometimes I am angry.  In less than two weeks those eligible to vote will vote to close or stay open.  Blogging sooner would have tracked what has led us to this point.  That is hindsight.  It just is.  As time goes on perhaps some of that will come forth as I look back from where we are.

Thirdly, relationship issues.  I will keep those quiet for now, perhaps journaling them as time goes on.  Bill and I have been together for thirteen years now and there are yet differences that can be resolved.  We have been in relationship therapy for four years and it continues  to help us to communicate and understand one another.

SOoo, three huge issues to handle all at once is difficult for me in this, my seventy fifth year.  I will live into them.  I will be changed. 

THE LION OF MARCH

There was a dusting of snow when I took my seven pound shih tzu, Gabriel, for his last walk of the day. As is my current custom, I then settled into bed to read for a bit. The dragon novel that I have been enjoying just wasn't holding my attention so I turned out the light and snuggled down under the blankets. It was some time before I fell into a light sleep. I kept coming into consciousness and opening my eyes and finding it light. Each time I checked the clock, each time is was still night time.

Finally, I got out of bed and went downstairs to turn out the lights that I had obviously left on. Only there were no lights on. The world, however, was very light. In fact there was a pink glow to the neighborhood the origin of which I never located. Surmising that this was some sort of reflection off the snow, I went back to bed, finally, to sleep, awakening at the normal time.

I don't consider that March came to us like a lion because it must have been a very gentle snow. There were six to eight inch high gatherings of snow on fence tops and even narrow porch railings. LOTS and LOTS of snow. Beautiful white snow. Covering the whole of my immediate world.

Gabriel, being only a few inches high, had a difficult time finding just the right places for his morning ritual. Heretofore, the snows have been heavy enough that he could manage walking on top. This snow was way to soft. Nature won out though, but he was not happy.

Here he is, my Lion of March

WAVY HAIR

On Gabriel anyway. Heretofore he has always had straight hair because I either took him to the groomer or shampooed him and blow dried him myself. But I decided that if shampoo wasn't good for me it probably is not good for him either. And he hates being groomed -- the wetting and the drying. So at least I am eliminating one half of the torture.

By eliminating the shampoo, I have eliminated half the wet time also. Just rinse with warm water, apply conditioner, another short rinse and then a towel dry for as long as he will allow -- which isn't long. He wants to be out and about shaking the wetness away, rubbing his head on the rug to dry it, and then he goes and sits on the back of the couch in the sunshine.

The snarls that he gets in his long tail hairs are not as bad now because I have been getting at them right away with more hair conditioner. He also gets snarls in the fine hair on his underside and he HATES when I pull on those but with the hair conditioner I can work them out with my fingertips.

It is amazing what one article in the news paper can do to change habits. I am speaking, of course, on the Devacurl article about curly hair and hair products that was in the paper over a week ago. I just took off on the ideas. I read many articles every morning on a variety of topics - gardening, cooking, home design, new products and new ways of doing things. This article is the first in a longa, longa time that left an impression and encouraged further study and action.

Well, this is my 100th blog posting. I hope it won't get more boring than this.

BURRS

....or something. Gabriel came up on my lap tonight after dinner, as usual. Settled in for some loving and companionship. And then I discovered burrs, or something, on his chest. I stood him up and tried to work them out to no avail so took him into the grooming table -- my vanity in the bathroom. Now Gabriel HATES grooming. Tolerates it because he knows he will get a treat. But this time not squiriming or nipping. He stood calm and quiet while I worked the pesky things our of his hair. They really must have been bothering him he stood so still and quitely. Patiently and tolerantly, actually. It didn't take too long and so I did the hair around his eyes too.

And when I finished, I just picked him up and carried him back to the chair where we had been and he settled right down on my lap. No treat. Those pesky things must have really been a bother. Strange how we can tolerate the intolerable when it is necessary to remedy an uncomfortable situation. Sort of like undergoing knee surgery to eliminate the pain . Suffering pain to get rid of pain. I could probably relate this to a lot of other stuff but I'm too tired.

POST TRAVEL

Safe Home as the family informs one another upon their return from a trip. And I have even done the dreaded unpacking so that now I can actually enjoy the memories unencumbered. I took very few pictures. I seem to have to be in the mood for picture taking. Or have some plan in mind for their use. Lacked that motivation this time.

The Monet exhibit, Drawings and Pastels, was a good fill in for other Monet exhibits I have seen. And the display of many of his sketchbook pages gave me new insights for Moleskin usage. In fact later that same day in a Borders outlet I came upon the Moleskine sketchbooks for $2.99. Grabbed some of those suckers.

From Monet at the Clark Institute we went down to the Norman Rockwell Museum. Much different than when the museum was down the street from the Red Lion Inn. This museum is quite put together, paintings nicely spaced, audio clear and interesting. I remember as a young, young girl going to my grandmother's house and sorting through the stacks and stacks of Saturday Evening Posts looking for Colonel Stoopnagle's. And, yes, we appreciated the covers too. Rockwell was a genius at catching the meaningful moment of life.

Gabriel survived the night at the Animal Inn. In fact we were told that he was a quiet and enjoyable guest. I may take him there again on another trip.

And discussion on the way home was enlightening and hopeful. Yes, we can change our attitudes and our behaviors and make better choices for ourselves to make all relationships better. Life is good.