MOURNING SUMMER'S END

School has resumed. Bill is back on the school bus driving schedule. That means I am back on the schedule too. Summer is really over. I don't know whether I am mourning it as much as I am resenting it being over. I feel as though I am missing something. Something important and I don't know what it is or where to even look for it.

The only get away time we took was the four days in the Berkshires. Perhaps I am regretting that we did not take more time to just be away from the responsibilities of the house. The thing is -- I love being home. I love this house. I love the yard. I love the feeling of being able to be whatever I want to be and do whatever I want to do -- or not.

Ah, maybe that's it. I didn't DO. Didn't write. Didn't do color pencils. Didn't work on my icons. Didn't knit. Didn't practice anything at all whatsoever. Maybe I am feeling the guilt of time gone by without accomplishment -- something to show for the time. Perhaps, though, this is my own way of renewal. No pressures, no time constraints, no meetings, no obligations. Just allowing time to flow around me and through me and slow me down enough to let me be me.