PUTTING THE PAST TO REST

  

My sister, Jacq, has been able to get past that 'loose ends' feeling that a death sometimes leaves with us.  Our Aunt Mary died last June.  For me it has been that feeling of not saying the right things when I could.  Not being being the letter writer that would have kept us in touch with one another.  All that 'should' stuff.

For Jacq it is different.  She kept in touch.  She probably even said all the right things.  She still had that 'up in the air' feeling.  BUT, before Aunt Mary died she passed on to Jacq some of her creative materials -- fabric, ric rac, ribbon -- and a bunch of yarn.  After many months had passed Jacq decided to revisit a long unused skill and crochet that yarn into a shawl. 

The result as you can see is just beautiful.  And she has worked through her grief and has closure on the death.  And now I can publish this with the eulogy below that I started many months ago and could not complete.  I leave it in its incompleteness.  It's okay.  My grieving has come to an end through Jacq's project. 

Thank you, Jacq. 

Good Bye, Aunt Mary.

Mary Catherine Walters Bancroft

December 7, 1907 - June 30, 2010

Aunt Mary was my father's older sister.  The end of her generation.  Predeceased by her husband, two brothers, and her only son and daughter; survivor of breast cancer, and accomplished artist.  I choose to remember the "artist."  She is a role model for me in that genre.  Always experimenting with new media, 

MORE BLOSSOMS

 

It is amazing what a day of sunshine brings out in nature.  It is also amazing what I am seeing and appreciating this spring now that I am walking around with a camera.  This little bit above are the blossoms on the Japanese maple that resides in the back yard.  I don't even remember blossoms before.  Winged seeds, yes, but not the blossoms.  I am delerious with these spring happenings.  God is showing up in all the corners of creation.
 

APRIL SHOWERS, AND SHOWERS, AND SHOWERS

 

I know, I know, it's April.  But I also know that every April I get really, really tired of all the rain.  Almost to the point of being minimally depressed.  The gray and the dampness and the chill just make it too, too much.  I try to envision green grass and the buds of flowers and baby birds and all that stuff, but it sometimes just doesn't work. 

Looking at my world through these windows and hearing the constant pelt of the rain drops against the skylight gets to be annoying and then oppressive.  I become negative.  It is hard to plan.  My sleep pattern is off.  Energy lags. 

The really wonderful thing about April, and I have a hard time remembering this, is that May follows.  May is the most beautiful time in Connecticut.  I must remind myself to enjoy all of the happenings in April for what they are and what they give to us.  Each day is a blessing.  April days.  May days.  All of our days.
 

CURIOUSER AND CURIOUSER

 

The resident landscaper added this bit into the scheme of things today.  It must be two flower beds.  I let it be known at the outset of this idea that I was NOT going to plant, water, weed, or in anyway care for anything new in the yard.  I have my hands full with the impatiens in the two front beds and the one back bed.  If this was supposed to be for flowers someone else was going to be responsible.  The resident landscaper.  Bill.

And so the beds were put in anyway.   So there you have it.  It will be interesting to watch the development of what happens.  Whatever.  Not my problem.
 

LEAFING LILAC

 

It is seven in the evening.  The sun has not yet set.  The moon is already high.  Here he is seen through the lilacs that are starting to leaf.  So much spring.  Today was a warm sunny day, sandwiched between periods of grayness and rain, so there ought to be more sprouts visible this weekend.

I worked this afternoon.  This morning there was an odd rant from a friend on Facebook, to which I replied in a smart ass kind of way -- who put a bug up you ___ -- I wrote.  I know this person pretty well.  Love her kids.  Am on 'kissing' terms with her husband.  AND then she really took off on me.  Didn't quite get that.  Maybe she was having a bad day and I just got in the way.  Maybe she took my comment as a criticism -- it wasn't.  Maybe she doesn't like me.

There were several responses I might have made.  The first one that came to mind was to call her.  I was at work and didn't have her number, so that was out.  The next thing was to UNfriend her -- how immature.  And what would that solve anyway?  Took me a very long time to get past the UNfriending option.  And then I decided that I would just eliminate my reply and let her nasty response just hang out there.  Let her make whatever next move she needed to make.

Facebook is a wonderful social media.  I love it because I can be in contact with my grandkids and Bill's grandkids and my nieces, all of whom I love.  I have made some wonderful connections.  Sometimes I even 'chat' with my son, Jeff.  Yes, Facebook does have an important role for us.

On the other hand, words are dangerous.  If they are misconstrued, misunderstood, misheard, misanything, it is a disaster.  We need to be aware that people respond from the emotion from which they are at the moment.  They might not be in the same place that we are when we place a message.  Walk softly.  Don't be rash.  Let things slide.  And watch the moon as seen between the leafing branches of the lilacs.  This, after all, is where God resides.

A FAITH WORTH QUESTIONING

 We have just finished the fifth of our Lenten series "The Last Week of Jesus" or whatever it was called.  Could have been called "The Walk to The Cross."  But, no, we did resurrection also.  Do we call this part of the 'life' of Jesus?  I guess we do if we're true Christians.  Then I ask myself, what is a true Christian?  Don't know.

We were faced with a LOT of historical 'stuff' that surrounds Jesus.  And then a lot of religious 'stuff,'  and then again a lot of 'iffy' stuff.  Was Jesus killed for political reasons or religious reasons?  Who was ultimately responsible for the death decision?   Then AFTER the death????

I have taken all this in and mixed it up with what I have already learned.  Stirred it around.  Some of it conflicts, some of it confirms, some of it is new.  Don't quite know how to put it all together.  Maybe I don't even have to.  In the end does any of it matter?  Right now I don't even know that.

Will I continue in my current faith practices?  Yes.  Will I change my mind about anything?  That's possible -- if it fits for me.  Notice that I say, 'for me.'  I can't take in what is important to a lot of other people.  In the end, it is between me and God and God will let me know.
 

RAIN, RAIN, AND RAIN

I'm going to have to think of something really cheerful tomorrow to chase away this dismal feeling that the rains have brought upon me.  Then again, it is supposed to be sunny.  Now THAT would be a plus.  I can get the rest of my brugmansia plants out and get the sticky icky from the buggies cleaned up.  Maybe sweep the deck and wipe off the chairs.   Yep, tomorrow just has to be a brighter day.