THE HELPFULNESS OF PRAYER

 

 

 Yesterday my Bishops led a walk through Washington to witness against violence.  They walked and prayed the Way of the Cross.  The walk and the prayers may be found here.  My priest also offered the same walk through the neighborhood around our church in Norwalk.  I was unable to participate in either one of these walks.  I was, however, able to pray the prayers.  

 

The readings and the meditations and the prayers are quite moving.  I could not read them in one sitting and so chose to spread them out over the day.  Because of the references to Sandy Hook, I was deeply moved and they are quite personal.  I have saved them on my Desktop so I can revisit them in the days to come.  And to remind me of the JUSTICE attitude that I want to make a part of my being.

 

In the meantime we are embarking into the intensity of Holy Week.  Lois, our priest, passed along Praying the Hours which she found here.  I do not know how faithful I can be to these; I have downloaded them also.  I have them on my IPad which is easily accessible.  Sometimes prayers that have been put together by others enhance my own humble offerings to God.

 

All this and I began a dialogue with my SO this morning.  Nothing dramatic.  An opening of a conversation that can continue.  It is a start.  It took a great deal of courage on my part and I stumbled through my opening sentences trying to put some of my thoughts and feelings on the table.  Nothing dramatic.  At least a beginning.  I don't even know if I was really heard.  At least it is a start.  Nothing dramatic.  Low key.  Heartfelt.  A beginning. 

 

LIVING INTO THE ISSUES

In the midst of chaos and confusion, heartbreak and grief, self doubt and anger, I try to find peace.  Well, at least solace.  Yes, solace.  That's it.  Comfort.  Knitting helps.  Maybe it is the constant rhythmic motion that soothes me.  My hands are creating something with these needles and this yarn.  It is good.  Soothes the mind, calms the body, replenishes the soul.

A return to blogging after more than a year is both daunting and challenging. It is time.  It is time to return with these issues in my life as I struggle to understand and live with them.  To make sense of them.  To move on with them to the other side of them.

Gabriel, my lovable, six pound Shih Tzu, of some twelve years, is losing control of his rear legs.  He previously lost his left eye and his right eye does not see a whole lot and is treated with drops twice a day.  He is small.  He is precious. He is couragous.  We will care for him and give him all the comfort and support that we are able.  We will not let him be in pain.  This is a difficult path for me to live.  But live it I must.  Blogging will keep track of how we deal with this issue and what it does to alter our lives.

Secondly, the church that I have attended for the last twenty years is closing.  Grace Episcopal Church, Norwalk cannot continue for lack of parishioner participation in doing God's work and funds to maintain the physical plant.  I have been a very active member of this parish serving in many roles and this is breaking my heart.  I am in a greiving process.  I cry a lot.  Sometimes I am angry.  In less than two weeks those eligible to vote will vote to close or stay open.  Blogging sooner would have tracked what has led us to this point.  That is hindsight.  It just is.  As time goes on perhaps some of that will come forth as I look back from where we are.

Thirdly, relationship issues.  I will keep those quiet for now, perhaps journaling them as time goes on.  Bill and I have been together for thirteen years now and there are yet differences that can be resolved.  We have been in relationship therapy for four years and it continues  to help us to communicate and understand one another.

SOoo, three huge issues to handle all at once is difficult for me in this, my seventy fifth year.  I will live into them.  I will be changed.