WRAPPING UP

Wrapping up Advent and wrapping up the year. Getting ready to begin again, although, I already have begun again. The church newsletter for January has been sent. Surely that is a BIG wrap up and beginning.

Reminiscence of the days of Advent will be held here in picture and in memory. It was a good Advent and was peaceful until the last couple of days. It makes me hopeful for the next Advent. Will I attempt this same exercise for Lent? Definitely not! The exercise got out of hand and finally became an exercise in the exercise and not the intention that it was meant to be. Perhaps next year I will be more intentional in limiting the exercise for a meaningful Advent.

I look forward to a blessed new year.

PEACE ON EARTH????

The morning paper's political cartoon space was occupied by this Christmas gift from Gary Varvel. This was his creation for 2008. For the current year's gift click here. This one in particular pretty much sums up my feelings about this day. With so much hope, how did we go so wrong? Or is the state of affairs what Jesus foretold had to happen before the second coming? Regardless, I am accepting my own personal hope in the fact that the Grace of God is always with me -- regardless of the rights and wrongs that exist. It is really hard to see past the wars, the hungry children, the riots. I have to hold on to the grace I continually receive from God. And I have to hope....

CHRISTMAS EVE

Happy Christmas to all. I will soon be going to my own Christmas Eve service. I hope y'all have a special service of your own -- formally or informally. God knows where we are and who we are and why we are. God bless us all.

DECEMBER 23

WRONG!!! I have Christmas Freeze. You know that thing that happens in your head when you take too big of an ice cream bite? Brain Freeze? Well, this is Christmas Freeze. It happens pretty much the same way. Too much Christmas 'stuff' builds up until paralysis sets in -- Christmas Freeze. And it isn't because I have too much to do. I'm done. Wrapped. Labeled. Done. But the world around me is nuts.

Twenty minutes of silence is just not going to happen. Oh, the silence may happen. But not in my head. My head is going to be going gang busters nuts. So I think I will skip even trying for that. What I am hoping for is a Christmas Eve respite. A time to relax in my church. Be with the people that I love. Hear the songs. Say the prayers. Be at one with God..... I am hoping.

WHAT LIGHT???

My light just plum went out yesterday.

Hope to get it back by Friday.

WHY,GOD, WHY????

I am frequently experiencing doubting times in my life. The doubts come at odd times. Usually not in troubling times. Mostly in times when I am free of pain and agonies and have the clearness to be thinking on the workings of things. Doubting Thomas is very real for me. Show me, Lord, is just about where I am a lot of the time. And with the 'show me' comes, WHY. I am many times into the whys. And sometimes even wherefores.

Why, Lord, are there hungry children? Why, Lord, are homophobics allowed to exist? Why is there so much cruelty and hurt and killing? Why aren't we all one color or even better, WHEN will we all be one color? When will there be heaven on earth -- I know it will happen, WHEN?

MANSIONS/ROOMS/DWELLING PLACES

Remember when Jesus said something like 'in my Father's house are many mansions/rooms/dwelling places....I go to prepare a place for you.'? I take that to mean that there is a place for each one of us in God's kingdom. No matter who we are. No matter how different we are from one another. NO MATTER WHAT -- there is a place for us with God.

The collect this morning, however, is intimating that in US there is a mansion prepared for Jesus. In US. Jesus longs to be in US. WITH us. Being in our lives for the long haul. Being a part of who we are and who we long to be. Jesus IN us. Almost too overwhelming to accept. I'll keep working on the thought, though. Jesus. Part of me. Me. Part of Jesus.

GENEROSITY

The idea of this is not new to me. RevLois gave us the story of a woman who gave a diamond ring to a poor woman. Just because. Because the woman needed something special in her life. Something beautiful. And in giving the gift there is NO follow up. We don't need to know how the gift was accepted, used, kept, passed on or sold. We just do the giving.

And there is no 'thank you' involved. Better that the gift is anonymous. Better that the receiver just receives and enjoys. Better that the giver knows in her own heart that it was a good thing. All round, God knows.

BETTER TIMES?

Okay, I have read Psalm 4 three times. I am NOT getting the connection between what the psalmist says and what the Wall Street connection is. I DO know that the ups and downs of life are troublesome and many. I do know that many are now struggling with the downs and do not have the wherewithal to cope with them. It is for these that I am concerned. The people experiencing homeless situations right now are many. How do we help them?

There isn't an easy answer. It is hard to look this kind of need in the face and know what to do. We give what we can. We offer what we have. Is it enough? Probably not. Is it necessary for us to make the effort? Yes. Can we do more? Probably.

TWO DAY ADVENT CATCH UP

Not surprising that one day would happen that I couldn't get it all done. And it did and this is the catch up. I am NOT omitting anything. Both are included.

I do treat the earth well. In fact just this morning I was ripping brown paper into strips to add in to the compost bin along with garbage and leaves. I have just learned that paper was a valid component of the composting materials. Stands to reason, being made from trees and plants. So back to the earth it goes. And ever since I read "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy, I have been an avid conservator of water. Sometimes to the ridiculous but that book REALLY made an impact on my thinking about how we live and how we waste the obvious.

Then on to the proverb itself, with which I do NOT agree. Children learn from their parents and other adults that they watch and mimic. It is the parents that need to hand down a tradition of conserving our resources. And if it didn't happen in one generation START it now. It is really up to the generation that parents today's children to model conservation. Period. Do it!

The reason I didn't do this yesterday is that Bill and I went into New York City to see the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular. A first for me and I really enjoyed the show. And we did a whole lot of walking -- from Grand Central Station to Rockefeller Plaza and back again and definitely not direct routes either way. So I saw lot of gospel writing in the lights and colors and shapes and sounds of the city. And people. Lots and lots of people. So different from the flowers and the clouds and the stars. Every bit as important and colorful, alive and real, being a part of creation each in its own way.

ADVENT 3

Sometimes I just don't get it. We are asking God to stir up God's own powers. In fact, it isn't even a request. We are telling God to put a big wooden spoon into the great pot of powers, stir them around and then come round and shower us with grace and mercy. There must be a whole lot of other powers in that pot; asking for grace and mercy is probably wise. The Lord knows that we need it -- in abundance. Yep, they're free. Free for the asking. I think I want to emphasize the asking part. By asking we are acknowledging just what it is that we need the grace and mercy for.

Many of the collects in our Book of Common Prayer are wise and heartfelt prayers. Then there are one likes today that just seem to be filling space. It is a good thing that the sermon this morning was more enlightening than the collect. And maybe I should be thinking about writing my own collect that is more in keeping with my feelings on asking for grace and mercy.

LIGHTEN UP

I really take great exception to being told what God loves or likes or disapproves or wants or doesn't want. I do agree that we needn't be taking ourselves too seriously during this Advent. Or any Advent as far as that is concerned. More to the point, we need to be reminded that we are reacquainting ourselves with the arrival of Jesus.

Of course, we have the advantage of knowing how the story goes -- so far. Resurrection is part of the story for us. But it isn't the end of the story. None of us knows the end of the story. That is why we need to be reminded about how the story plays out. The birth of Jesus kind of comes in the middle of it all. First there is creation. The birth and resurrection are the middle part of the story. We don't know how the end plays out. What we are doing in Advent is to remember the part of the story that brings Jesus into this world. Sometimes the secular traditions of the Christmas get in the way of the birth story. That is the challenge, to try to maintain a balance in our own lives of the sacred story and our secular traditions. Important to "lighen up" and not let it all overwhelm us.

UNPLUGGED

I am very fortunate to be able to have some time most mornings for 'self.' It is a quiet time of doing puzzles: Jumble, Celebrity Cipher, Newsday Crossword, and, of course, the Sudoku. Some days I actually finish all four. Taking on these daily Advent pictures has added time for myself. Choosing and applying the colors, thinking about the day's offering, all quiet time.

PLUS I continue to read the chapter a day of Luke. This is even more time away from 'communication' with others. And I have learned that reading Luke BEFORE I play with the colors is better. More time to meditate on the chapter. Like today there were included six parables, count them SIX. And in addition, a couple of little asides. So, once again, a chance to lament the demise of the swine herd. And what about the one where Jesus notices that power went out from him. I've always wondered if that meant that there was power taken away from the whole of his power and therefore it could get used up or that there might be an unlimited supply. Then I think, no, this is Jesus we're talking about. God has power going on forever. But these thoughts do surface every time I hear the story.

Well, this is the first time I have met up with Ambrose. A saint no less. So I was prompted to to Google him and sure 'nuf, Wickipedia has more information than I need to know. Check it out yourself here. I was more than a little impressed that this unassuming man was raised up and accomplished so much and remained true to his belief in his Christ. Really impressive.

It was only after my peaceful time of quiet while I played with the coloring that I even thought to look up Ambrose. I can get lost in the Internet far too easily. I was happy to be lost in the color and quiet of today's picture. It is a kind of prayer time when I can just be. I lose track of real time. I forget the pressures and the responsibilities. If only for this little bit of colorful time. It is relaxing into the timeless of God. I enjoy that.

ADVENT 2

Hard to believe that it is the second Sunday in Advent already. It has been a full week with extra hours of work due to filling in for an absent workmate. I am not used to working so many hours and I must admit to some weariness. I was glad for this weekend respite. And I took advantage of the respite to do little and what I did do was at a leisurely pace. The Christmas Crazies are being held at bay.

There is a busy week coming up beginning tomorrow filled with church and personal commitments as well as the usual twenty hour work week. I will continually seek God's grace as I live on toward Christmas. I am fully aware of the abundance that I enjoy and will seek ways in which I can share with others.

I'M SORRY

So you say.

Do you really mean that?

Two words so easily spoken. So frequently spoken. So frequently meaningless. I hate that. The person who says them expects to be absolved of whatever infraction they have committed. I don't think so. Back up. Not so simple. Just what are you sorry for? Let's name it.

I want to hear just exactly what you are sorry for. I want to hear "I'm sorry I embarrassed you last night at the party by saying ......" I want to hear " I really am sorry I forgot to mail the checks that you gave me." I want to hear "I'm sorry I was rude to your mother, I'll try not to do it again." I want to hear it. I want to know that you know.

AND "It's okay," does NOT have to be the reply. Most of the time it ISN'T okay. It was WRONG. It was INEXCUSABLE. Given the explicit apology an acceptable reply might be, "Thank you." Then again the reply might be "Can we talk about it?"

Sometimes "Try again," might be appropriate. An apology might be a small part of a greater problem. The apology, however, is a necessary part of the reconciliation. Sometimes it is the real beginning of the healing. Be open to an apology. And always acknowledge what was the wrong. Be sincere in the apology. And always be explicit. NAME the wrong.

BEEN THERE / DONE THAT

Yes, been there, done that and I'm not doin' it again any time soon. In fact several years ago I even gave up sending Christmas cards. It wasn't the expense; it was the push to do it. I began to be more thoughtful about the gifts that I give. AND I slowly worked into the "Adventness" of the season. Now I am getting better at pushing aside the commercialism and really enjoying the thoughtful gifts that I can give. It isn't perfect yet. It is still a process of getting back into the REAL Christmas -- whatever that is. The point is that I don't dread the season any more. I am learning to enjoy it and getting into the waiting. I haven't achieved the quietness yet ..... I'm working on it.

PRAYING HIV/AIDS

There is something to be said for daily suggestions about thought and prayer. Today I was able to pray at random times and thoughtfully about the HIV/AIDS situation. Initially, I get angry with God for allowing such travesty. I don't stay angry long. I hurt. I hurt for the wrongs in the world. They aren't God's wrongs. There are just bad things. And so I pray for those suffering. I pray for the ones who care for them. I pray for the ones who have died and who are going to die. On and off. All through the day. It has been a day filled with prayer.

A day of Thankfulness also. I am thankful for the advances in medicine that are beginning to get a handle on this virus. I am thankful for the research. I am thankful for the medications that are now available. I am thankful for the grace that we have been given to love and be loved regardless of our afflictions.

FOLLOWING JESUS

This "Follow me" thought was part of my morning breakfast reading. I hope to be following this Advent Calender through all of Advent. I am hoping that the coming days give me not quite so difficult propositions. This is HARD. Really hard!

How will I answer the call? I am not liking it that I am questioning that I am not already doing it. And that gives me reason to question whether I am doing it good enough. And just what is good enough, anyway? So I am going to give myself credit for thinking I am answering the call -- present tense. That at least the journey is in progress. That I am aware of what I do and how and even why.

ADVENT 1 2009

Don't know how it got to be Advent already. Seems like it was just Easter. My father-in-law said, too many times more than once, 'It's tough to get old.' Well, at seventy two I don't feel like I'm old yet. Time sure is doing funny things though. I am becoming a believer in the time warp. You know, the theory that time isn't' really linear, that it evolves in and through and back and beyond and forward and back again -- and all at the same time. That's why it seems as though it were just Easter and, walla, here it is Advent.

Our priest, revLois, gifted us an Advent Calender. Each day is a little cartoonish type drawing with a variety of inspirational thoughts and ideas. It is perfect for the kid in me to want to color. So I am thinking gel pens and highlighters, maybe some color pencils. Fun stuff. And THEN I had the idea of posting it up on the "Purple Crayon" project board at church and .... and .... and... what? That took a bit of thinking. I finally decided to cut the days separate from the frame of the calendar and just post the frame, adding in the days as I got into church to paste them up. AND then, I thought maybe other people would do their own days and paste them up. Maybe not, but wouldn't that be fun?

This is how it looks on this first day of Advent. The text is a prayer, "Almighty God, give us grace to cast away the works of darkness, and put on the armor of light ..." I really liked the thought of putting on an armor of light. Rather like a protection against all the things that trouble me. All the nonsense of the world. All the frivolous stuff that drives me crazy. Also the darkness of allowing time time to dither me and throw me into a panic. An armor of light to carry me more wholly into the world. Hmmmm, maybe I can even make that more 'holy.' I like that thought even more.

And so I begin this Advent with a 'lightened' spirit.

Follow the journey with me if you wish......