I won't bore you with three, four and five or wherever we are. Suffice it to say that the ERD 'Seeking to Serve' is not sitting well with me. The all too brief scripture is not enough to sink my teeth into, not enough to mull, not enough to rile, just plain NOT ENOUGH. The illustrations are from white middle class America. Now really, does the white middle class America still exist? Not here, not in my part of the country. Not any more. So what could these people have been thinking? I have taken my gel pens down to the dining room so that I can jazz up and give some color to the daily illustrations -- maybe give those white faces some ethnic character. I still read the dissertation aloud to Bill but they are not challenging or energizing enough for any conversation. I am truly disappointed. I shall keep at it for a few more days.We have not gone out to eat. That is still ongoing. And I am doing pretty well with my own personal behavioral discipline. It may even turn into a permanent behavior. This is a boring Lent. I do not feel prayerful or -- can't remember what the admonition is -- better get out the Prayer Book and see if I can get into a groove of some kind or another. AND having Valentine's Day come in right here is not at all helpful. Really!
Lent - Day 3IMing with Jeffri last night about this and that and touched on Lent and that led into a discussion about the Millinnium Development Goals (MDGs). Yes, these came out of the United Nations and were adopted by the TEC at General Convention in 2006. Jeffri pointed out to me that these are NOT domestic goals but goals set by the United Nations for third world countries. I was so bummed out with this information that I wonder how many other receivers of the Seeking to Serve booklet have no real idea that this Lent study is all about the third world countries of the world.The day two scripture was: These words which I command you today shall be on your heart. Deuteronomny 6:6. Meaningless pulled out of context. But a context was provided both in the daily illustration and the paragraph below it: Memorize the eight MDGs. Interesting how scripture is pulled and used -- but that's a whole 'nother issue for me.Bill and I are reading these together. Or rather I am reading and he is listening. So when he left the breakfast table he went to his computer and made business size copies of the MDGs so that I could take them and hand them out to Vestry at tomorrow's retreat. I am still out to lunch on the necessity of memorizing these things. But I took his nicely prepared miniature list and made it huge -- two sets to a page and printed them on card stock so I can put one in each bathroom and in each of our cars. Maybe that way they will get memorized. And the point is? I didn't get there yet. It may take some time. I'm struggling here, people.Conversation during dinner preparation that evening (Day 2 of Lent) was about whether we were going to go out for supper the next evening. We usually do on Fridays. A couple of beers and a shared burger and salad. I said, 'What if we don't go out during Lent?' 'And save the money and give it to somebody,' replied Bill. Well, yes, but who. We immediately thought of the local food pantry or soup kitchen. I thought of Episcopal Relief and Development. Bill is reluctant to give to big organizations because we don't know who's getting or taking what. And today I was thinking that the money that is being spent on the current campaigns could feed an awfully lot of hungry people, inoculate a lot of children, provide goats and pigs for numerous families to start farming projects. And the war? Don't get me started on the money there, let along the lives lost.Day 3 scripture: Each one must do as he has made up his mind, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. II Corinthians 9:7 Sounds like a great stewardship admonition. The teaching is a good one. Underneath the illustration of an out of balance scale -- the down side being our wordly possessions and spending habits, the light side a big question mark -- the discussion is worth noting. Keeping a balance of spending in our lives. While enjoying our pleasures remember to share a portion of our bounty with others. And we don't always do that. Not in any kind of proportion anyway. So something to think on anyway. The study isn't a total loss -- yet.
All this hype about 'fasting' and I have been ravenous all the day long. Not that I ate, but I sure was feeling hungry much of the day. But when I read Episcopal Cafe's Fasting 101 and 102, I discovered meanings about fasting that I didn't even know about. And when this evening's sermon repeated the eating half as much for two meals and then a substantial but not overly abundant third meal -- say a hearty soup and some crusty bread -- I heard, but with the same despair as I had previously read. No way. It has taken me two years to establish an eating habit that maintains a healthy weight. I certainly do not want to mess that up. So food fast is just out for me.There are other Lent disciplines, of course. I did do the Seeking to Serve reading this morning. Is not this the fast I choose... Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house... Isaiah 58:6-7 I have been mulling that over today without it having influenced me. The day's 'illustration' is not great. But the discussion below it was a little more helpful -- hinting that praying that the Holy Spirit might help me to address the needs of the poor in some way. The whole thing can be down loaded on the Episcopal R&D site. I did that yesterday thinking I might copy some of it here but I don't know what the copyright issues are. I'm checking into that. So, Lent no longer looms. It is here. We are "in" Lent. I have established a discipline for myself. It is going to be very hard to manage. It is personal. It is between me and God. Already messed up twice today but I am looking at it as ONLY twice. I will report in now and then how it is going and mayhaps at Easter I will be able to relate success. I can try.
A saying happened through my brain this morning: 'if you come to a fork in the road, take it.' I remember hearing this a while back and it didn't penetrate my thinking at all. Today, however, there it was back again and begging for consideration. As I mulled it over, actually picturing the fork in the road, I thought how asanine it is, especially if it is a true fork heading off equally from the main path. So what other choice is there but to take it. Right or left. Right or wrong. But can it ever be wrong? If the path leads to nowhere can't we turn around and take the other path. Does this have to be a black or white, written in stone, decision? I don't think so. We have choices. Over and over and over again.Today's choice is coming up on my Lent discipline. Well, I did decide that I would do the Lenten Devotional Guide: "Seeking to Serve, A Lenten Exploration of the Millennium Development Goals" put out by Episcopal Relief and Development. It will be at the breakfast table to share with Bill. Perhaps he won't want to share but I'll give it a shot. Something for us to consider together over the next forty days. The booklet itself is small, five by seven. One page a day - two for Sundays. And that page is two thirds filled with a drawing, cartoonish style. First a line of scripture, then the drawing, then a paragraph of teaching or explanation or whathaveyou. I haven't read any of it yet so I am making an assumption about the paragraph. It seems like 'Lent for Dummies.' We'll see how it goes.Bill is already into the Lent thing without even realizing it, having committed to cooking the pancakes for tonight's supper at church. We'll see how that goes too. He is not really a team type player, preferring to do his thing on his own. I have been trying to impress upon him that the more people involved, the better for the community. Bill doesn't get community. Sometimes I don't either.It is gray and damp and dreary and Lent looms.
It is snowing in Noroton Heights. Not a bliizzard, but not just a flurry either. Just steadily gently falling flakes, touching the ground and melting. Too warm for ice. It may be the last snow of the season -- or not. But I am enjoying the spectacle just beyond my computer screen. Big, fat, clean, white flakes. The gentle falling. Softly meandering down from sky to ground. There is something quite peaceful about it.Shrove Tuesday tomorrow and then Ash Wednesday. And Christmas is still up at our house. I just managed to pack the creches away this morning. Putting baby Jesus to bed before the tortuous adult trip to the cross. And, honestly, I don't know just how much of the strory/stories I really believe. It depends on the day. Some things I can believe in because I am such a believer in the super natural. I don't know whether that is heretical thinking or not, but that's how it is with me. Tomorrow I will get the rest of Christmas put away and do some serious thinking about Lent. I know that I am not going to 'give up' anything. But I am willing to try to establish something new in my life. Or a new discipline of something 'not' new. Don't know what that is yet. Developing my artwork? Establishing a writing time? Maybe something not even for or about me. Maybe a discipline of contacting others. Not phone calls. Can't do the phone thing. Cards though. I could easily send cards and that is something I am supposed to do anyway and just haven't been able to accomplish. I have spent too much time trying to make a card template, frustrating myself beyond belief, stifling any creativity or motivation. To end all that I got the Hallmark Card software and think I may have solved nine tenths of the procrastination. So maybe I can do that.At least I have a vague plan.
At the library this afternoon I stumbled upon a copy of Writers Digest. It was one of those 'jumped off the shelf into my hand' things. The jist of the article which caught my attention was to just write. Make a dedicated decision to write fifteen minutes a day or three days a week. Just DO it. Well, folks, I have been writing pretty much daily for a few years and nothing to speak of has happened. Our book club has been reading Ray Bradbury and his writing discipline is pretty much that -- writing every day, taking off on a word or a phrase and 'walla' he ends up with a short story in no time at all. And that short story is then transformed later on into a novel. Hmmmm. That hasn't happened to me yet. I have been playing at writing for too many years. I have about given up on any novel idea. Well, not entirely. There are nigglings in the back of my mind. But how to get them out on paper/screen. Don't know.The article went on to discuss outlines and index card chapter headings that can be carried around and fleshed out at any given moment. Maybe. Maybe not. Novels are stories. I have to decide what the story is that I want to tell. IS there a story I want to tell. Maybe not.The article went on further to say that some were using blogs as novel starters. Not only starters but just blogging daily and then collecting the blogs into a book. Hmmmm. The blogs I read or write are not the makings of a novel. My dad was a writer. Not a great fiction writer. Unpublished but for two short stories. He made his living writing ad copy and technical copy. I guess he was good at that. He made a living for us anyway. He would have loved blogging. So maybe I'll just continue to write my pages and write my blog and if anything happens, it happens.
It used to be that giving up chocolate for Lent was quite adequate. In fact I can remember that in my drinking days I one year actually gave up vodka for Lent. One Lent. Didn't work the next couple of years. I started out well enough, just didn't have the wherewithall to keep it. Those were NOT good times for me.Now, though, there seem to be other options. They are called 'Lenten Disciplines.' Not necessarily giving up a vice but the taking on of some new thing that will enhance our character or somehow improve the self. Diet for the loss of extra weight maybe. Making it a habit to read the daily scripture reading. A prayer discipline. Elizabeth Kaeton offers an introspection on tears. Read it all, it is quite worth it. It will speak to some, not to others. As other blogs reveal their ideas I will pass them on.In the meantime I contemplate my own 'discipline.' I already read the daily appointed scripture readings. I have given up vodka as a VERY bad personal vice. Smoking is a habit of the way distant past. I am NOT a chocoholic. I don't swear any more. I don't even spit in public. (that was a joke) I am back to exercise and have returned to writing my pages almost every day. Just keeping up with what I have put in place for myself is pretty daunting -- in fact not always possible. But I am willing to take on a Lenten something for forty days. What will it be?
